Dark Arrow

Chapter Fifty One

I'd stayed longer than I planned to. It was easy to forget how much I'd lost when Tony was there to show me just how much I still had left. The problem was that no matter how amazing he was, he wasn't what I needed. I could sit and mope and whine about what I'd lost or I could figure out a future worth fighting for.

As we sat in front of the fire one thing became abundantly clear, I needed to leave before Steve figured out where I was, I wasn't in the mood to go into another argument when he refused to see things from my side.

"Tony please, try to understand." I pleaded with him, hoping and praying that he would understand.

"I just don't get why I can't know where you are."

I took his hand in mine, he was the only person that had been there from the start, that knew me inside and out. That knew when I was pulling away from those closest to me and the one—I hoped—would know when to let me go.

I owed him an explanation but how do you tell someone that you need to leave to save your sanity? That if you stay you feel like the grief will consume you until there is nothing left. That being around the people that are left reminds you too much of what you've lost. They to find any possible way through that grief, you need to find something to fight for.

I needed to find my future.

I needed space to heal in more ways than one and I couldn't allow anyone to stop that. Not Tony, not Steve, not anyone. That is why I needed to leave and I couldn't ask Tony to stay away and cover for me it wasn't fair to him.

"I don't want you to have to lie for me and I know you would but they are your family too Tony." I tried to explain the best I could.

He sighed, not impressed with my decision. "Why can't you work it out with him? Let him help you."

"Twice I've asked him to understand, to support me in the way that I need and twice he's walked away from me." There's only so many times you can watch the one you love walk away from you before you lose the will to fight.

Tony wanted me to stay, I would've been doing the same in his position but it was too late. I had to do what was best for me and my future. I couldn't do that with Steve refusing to even try and understand.

"You can't change my mind Tony, I have to do this."

"I know," he sighed. "It doesn't mean I have to like it."

I pulled him in for a hug, needing to feel the comfort I most likely wouldn't feel for a long time.
"I'll come back." I promised him, needing to give him something. "When I've done what I needed to do, found what I need to find and when I can look at this city without feeling like my heart is being ripped from my chest."

He pulled away, swiping his thumbs across my cheek to dry the tears that had fallen there.

"My door is always open." He promised.

"I love you shell head."

He finally gave me a smile. "Ditto Legolas."

As I left the cabin I took one look back. I knew that this would be the defining moment, one I'd look back on in the future. A moment that could change everything. Whether that was a good thing or not remained to be seen, no doubt it would change my life but still part of me wanted to stay.

I had to squash that part, to make it silent. I couldn't go back on my decision, no matter how much I wished I was doing it with Steve at my side.

***

Steve held out hope, praying he wasn't too late and that he could convince Rain that she didn't need to do this alone.

As he pulled up at Tony's, that hope faded. Tony stood on the porch to his cabin a solemn look on his face. He didn't need to open his mouth for Steve to know he was too late.

"What did she say?" Steve asked as he got closer, joining Tony on the porch.

Tony scoffed. "That she pleaded with you to understand and you walked away. Twice." He didn't hide how angry he was about that. How Steve's actions were what lead to Rain not just leaving but disappearing altogether.

"I walked away from the conversation, not from her. Never from her." He defended his actions even if he himself knew it was a weak defence at best. He'd screwed up and now he was paying the price.

"That's not how she sees it."

Steve sighed, he knew already that he was too late but he needed to listen to Tony. Hopefully that way he could get a rough idea of where Rain had gone or where she was going.

"She lost her one constant, the person that had been there her entire life and the person she hoped would fill that gap," he gestured at Steve. "Well he didn't even try to understand." Tony wasn't trying to make Steve feel guilty but what choice did he have? He was desperate for Steve to see just how badly Rain was hurting, how when you walk away from her it triggers emotions buried deep. Steve knew that of course but he hadn't thought of that in the moment.

"I'm trying now Tony. Please."

"It might be too little too late."

The thought of being too late was more than Steve could bear. He had to find Rain, there was no other option for him.
"Where is she Tony?"

"Helen Cho." Tony relented, hoping he was making the right decision. "After that? I honestly don't know."

"I'll find her."

"You might not like what you find."

It didn't matter to Steve. He'd take any version of Rain that he found, anything to have her back by his side where she belonged. He refused to accept anything else.

"I have to try. I can't lose her too."

He headed towards his car, hoping and praying that Rain would be there, that he hadn't left it too late. Just the thought of being too late, of never finding her again was enough to send a crushing pain to his chest. He'd messed up and there was only one chance left to fix it.