Dark Arrow

Chapter Twenty Two

"What the hell was that today?"

Here we fucking go.

"Will you drop it? I'm fine." I sighed out, making my way over to the mini bar in my room. I pulled out a beer, twisting the cap off before I turned round to face him.

It was obvious he'd been running his hands through his hair. Dirt on his face and the fact he was still in his suit told me he had been waiting for me to get back here to talk to me.
"I told you to be careful. Do you know how hard it was for me to see you like that?"

I took a sip of the cool beer, leaning back against the bar.
"It comes with the job, you know that." I tried to keep calm, but he was starting to irritate me. If it had been Natasha or anyone else to get injured we wouldn't even be having this conversation. He sure as hell wouldn't be talking to them in the same way.

"Rain, please try to understand it from my side." He placed his hands on his hips, watching my every move.

"No Steve. I'm not some trophy wife that will sit around, waiting for you to come home. That will have your dinner cooked for you every night. I'm not that woman!" I snapped, finishing my drink in one long chug.

"You think I don't know that?!" He shouted, catching me off guard. While we might bicker and wind each other up, it was rare for him to raise his voice at me. I wasn't entirely sure how that made me feel.

It did however put my walls back firmly in place. I knew what I was going to say would push him away, but in that moment that was all I wanted.
"You think because we've slept together a few times, that it gives you the right to tell me what to do?" Just referring to it as 'sleeping together' hurt me, but I couldn't show him that. He was obviously itching to make his masculinity the root of our problems tonight. If a fight was what he wanted, then a fight would be what he got.

"Why are you acting as if this means nothing to you?"

"Because it doesn't!" I roared before turning round, not able to face him as I lied. It had meant so much more than I could explain, words wouldn't do it justice. Yet I couldn't let that change who I was inside.

"Rain stop." He pleaded, his voice softening an almost regretful tone washing over him.

"No!" I snapped. "I fought my whole life to be who I am. I won't let you take that away from me!" Steve sighed, shaking his head which only angered me more. "I won't stop going on missions and I won't second guess every decision in case you don't like it." I hated how much it was breaking my heart to push him away, but I was too lost in my anger to stop. He was being an asshole and he needed to know that while I might be slightly submissive in the bedroom, I won't take it in every day life.

"There's more to this than you're telling me."

I knew he was trying to get me to open up, to tell him that all I wanted was his support. For him to come on missions with me and tell me I could do it, that he'd be by my side as I kicked the bad guys up the ass. Yet I knew that wasn't going to happen, something that hurt more than anything else. He'd never see me as capable.

"No there's not. You want me to stop and I won't, so I think we're done here." I blinked back the tears before I turned to face him, needing him to know I was serious. "It was fun Steve, but let's be honest, it was never going to last."

I could see the hurt in his eyes as he waited for me to take back what I'd said. Part of me knew I was talking out of anger and fear, but I couldn't take it back. It was true, no matter what we thought. It was never going to last. We're too different, too much water under the bridge.

He sighed, a lone tear rolling down his dirt covered cheek. "Whatever you say Rain. It's obvious that you have it all figured out." He snapped before storming from my room, slamming the door behind him.

The second he was gone I let all the anger and frustration out, launching my empty beer bottle over the room watching it smash as it hit the wall. I wanted to go to him, tell him I was sorry that I couldn't be the woman he needed. That I'd never be good enough for him. Just like my mother told me.

Instead I let out an in humane scream, letting it consume every cell in my body. The pain, the hurt, the frustration, the heartbreak; I let it all go, hoping I'd be able to pull it together before the party tonight.

***

As it turned out, sitting up the bar and moping all night attracts attention. I was just finishing yet another of Nat's cocktails when Tony swept up behind me. He looped his arm through mine before dragging me off to the dance floor, completely ignoring my protests. While I usually admire his stubbornness, tonight wasn't one of them nights. I wanted to be left alone to wallow in peace.

Before I could string a certain set of curse words together, he interrupted me.
"You going to tell me what's going on with you and Capsicle?"

"Nothing's going on. Drop it T." I slightly snapped back, regretting it instantly. I knew he was just looking out for me, but I didn't want to talk about Steve it hurt too much.

Tony sighed, clearly knowing I was talking rubbish. "So why do you both look so miserable tonight?"

"I'm tired that's all." I tried to give him a smile, wanting to lighten the mood. "I was shot today remember."

"That's bullshit and we both know it."

"T, please just drop it." I all but begged him, I didn't want to get into it, especially not when Steve and his stupid super hearing were in the room. I'd felt his eyes on me all night, the last thing I needed was for him to hear me talking to Tony about everything.

"Look I'm just saying that for the last few weeks you've been so happy. Now you're both miserable." He'd noticed the change in me, but said nothing. It didn't matter how much I denied it, he would see right through it like he always did. Between him and Bucky I struggled to hide things around them, no matter how much I tried.

With a sigh I gave him an honest answer, not caring if Steve heard me.
"I can't be who he wants me to be. He deserves better."

"That's not your decision to make Legolas. Don't throw this away because you're being stubborn."

"Can we go somewhere? Away from here and talk." I asked, wanting nothing more than to get away from the party. Perhaps getting his opinion would change the way I looked at things, or it would help me realise I made the right decision in the first place.

Tony guided us through the party, up to the roof. The second we stepped out I breathed a sigh of relief, the fresh air calming me right down to my soul. He led us over to a couple of sun loungers that he'd had placed up here months ago for when I needed to escape.

As I sat down I turned to him giving him a smile.
"Thank you, I just needed to get away."

"Anytime. Now why don't you explain to me what's happened."

I spent the next few hours, explaining absolutely everything to him. It felt insanely good to get it all off my chest, knowing he'd never judge me for how I felt.
He gave me his honest opinion, making sure to make me see that I'd been pushing Steve away. The only problem was that now I had I wasn't sure how or if I could let him back in. Going on missions was clearly a problem for him and I wasn't about to give it up. No one would take that away from me.

Especially not America's golden boy.