Dark Arrow

Chapter Thirty One

I walked into the barn, knowing it would be the one place I could be left alone. After my conversation with Steve and my meltdown with Bucky I had no intentions of being sociable today.

"You look like shit."

I chuckled, only one person would be quite that blunt about it. Not that I was surprised he had turned up. Nick stepped out from behind a hay bale.

"I should've known you'd turn up eventually." I chuckled, throwing myself down to sit on the hay beside him.

"Officially I'm not here."

"Do you remember the day we met?" I asked as he came to sit beside me.

Nick laughed, the memory ingrained into him. "You shot an arrow into my hand."

"In my defence I'd just lost my hearing. Did I ever tell you why I was in that vent?"

Nick shook his head, knowing I wasn't really talking to him. I was letting my thoughts run away with themselves.

"I wanted something I could sell to get my Mom out of jail."

No matter what she said and did to me there was nothing I wouldn't of done for her. Until my life changed. The second I realised I'd nearly lost my life for her, it was as if the smoke cleared.

Nick placed his hand on my leg. "Why are you telling me this now?"

"You kept tabs on us back then, you were barely an agent yourself. I guess I just wondered why."

He gave me a small smile, something not many people saw from him. It relaxed me, the way he'd become an almost father figure in my life was something I cherished.

"I saw a girl willing to do whatever it took to get what she wanted."

"You we're the first person to believe in me besides Clint." The second person to show me I was worth more than I'd been led to believe my whole life.

"You still hold onto her words don't you."

I hadn't told Nick much about my Mother, but he knew she had hardly been the best mother. That her words had cut deep at a young age.

A tear strayed down my face as I looked down at the ground. "She was my Mom, if I wasn't good enough for her, how can I be good enough for anyone else?"

He gave me an almost surprised glare at the sound of my vulnerability.

"Don't give me that look. I'm not always the confident bitch I appear to be."

He patted my leg as he stood up. "I'm well aware of that Rain." Holding out his hand, he helped me to my feet.

"What do I do Nick?"

"What you do best." He stated. "You finish the job, prove your fears wrong."

He was right, I was letting my fears and anxieties take centre stage. Something I had fought for years to control. I couldn't let my past dictate who I am now. Pulling on my big girl pants I wiped the tears away. A newfound sense of purpose washing over me.

"I can't do it alone and our team took a hit."

Nick smiled, he knew I had been hesitant when he first spoke to me about the Avengers Initiative.

"Our team huh? That mean you've finally accepted being part of it?"

He always did find a way to see straight through me. To see what I'd accepted before I did.

"Yeah, I guess I have."

"Then find a way to motivate them."

It was less a suggestion, more of an order. Something he knew I needed to get through what was to come. I had to focus on the mission, then I'd find a way to move forward.

With a mock salute and a replenished attitude I walked away. Nick smiled as he watched me go, he knew a subtle kick up the ass was all I needed.

"Avengers! Get your asses in the kitchen. We've got a job to do." I called out as I walked into the house.

Within minutes they were all crammed into the small space, excluding Thor had decided to go awol.

"So little Barton, what's your plan?" Nat asked, a knowing smile on her face. If there was one person besides Clint I knew would have my back, it was her.

I hopped up onto the kitchen counter, swinging my legs beneath me all while avoiding the gaze of Steve who hadn't taken his eyes off me. I couldn't think about that particular disaster right now. My main focus was the mission, then I'd worry about repairing the gaping hole in my chest.

"His attack on us was deliberate. He wanted to take us all off the board. I for one don't plan on letting that happen."

Steve could barely concentrate on what I was saying, he knew I was deflecting my pain into something else. Every part of him wanted to go to me, to beg me to listen to what he'd seen. Yet he knew that now was not the time. So lost in his thoughts, he almost missed what I was saying.

"Ultron keeps making more bodies, yet none of them are good enough. Hence the need for the vibranium. So the big question is, where will the bastard go next to create a whole body?"

"Rain." Steve raised his eyebrow at me, that smirk that gets me weak in the knees smiling back at me.

"Yeah yeah I know, language." For the first time in what felt like forever, I found myself genuinely smiling at him.

"Dr Cho." Bruce offered, breaking the rapidly growing tension in the room.

I jumped down off the counter, grabbing an apple out of the fruit bowl.
"Then suit up, I've got some revenge to enact."

I disappeared up into my room, pulling out the tactical gear I always had stashed in the small closet. It didn't take long for me to load up everything that I needed, I could do with some more arrows but I'd be able to replenish them on the jet thankfully.

I gave Lila and Cooper a quick hug before I left, promising to come over and do our usual breakfast date soon.

Laura stopped me before I got to the door.
"Just be careful Rain, I know your head is a mess right now. Don't make any stupid mistakes okay?"

I appreciated her concern, but as long as I was focused on the mission then my head was clear. It was when I didn't have something to focus on that the problems started.

The flight to Dr Cho wasn't going to take us long, a few hours at most.
"I've got this, go load up Rain." Clint told me, flicking a few switches to turn on the reflective panelling.

My muscles groaned slightly as I stood up, still slightly stiff from the last time we'd taken on Ultron. I didn't have time to dwell on it. Taking the quiver off my back, I opened the weapons locker that held our arrows.

"Can we talk?" Steve's voice came from behind me.

I wanted to forgive him, to wish none of this had happened but I couldn't. I was trying not to listen to my Mom's voice on repeat in my head, but when it came to Steve she was right. I just wasn't good enough. I wasn't her.

"Not right now." I muttered over my shoulder as I loaded up everything I needed, a few trick arrows just to be on the safe side.

Steve placed his hand on my shoulder. "Rain, please. It's not what you think."

I shrugged his hand off. "Just stop Steve. I don't have time for this."

"I won't stop trying." Steve meant it, he would do anything and everything he could to make this right. It had only been a couple of days since Ultron and already he was struggling with being apart from me.

If there was one thing Steve was certain of, it was that he would find a way to somehow make me listen. He wouldn't stop trying because there was nothing more important to him than me.

I sighed, wishing I had the strength to look at him. To be near him without the piercing pain in my heart, but I didn't. I had to focus, I had to get the team out of this in one piece.

"The mission comes first." It has to.