Moving Mountains (Patrick Kane)

Biggest Sham Of Them All .4

Patrick

It's been days since I've seen Valerie. And while I couldn't get her out of my head I don't think she's given me a second thought. From the moment I watched her pick up a crate and launch it across the sidewalk I knew she was different. Reckless and not very thoughtful, but still kind and giving.

I was curious about her to say the least. She was a mystery to me. A loner, a over thinker, but wise and true. I thought I had seen everything, met everyone.

Then there was her.

At this point in life I was surrounded by people. I don't need anyone else to worry about. But at the same time I know that she can mean a lot to me. What ten, maybe twenty people mean to me. She can change me in a way that I couldn't even comprehend. And I don't want to use her as a emotional crutch. I wanted to learn from her and I wanted her to learn from me too. How to open up, how to think about herself for once, and who knows, maybe we can teach each other what it truly means to care for someone.

My phone goes off from my night stand and I quickly sit up in bed. I see a unknown number and pray it was her.

"Hello" I answer.

"Patrick" a sweet voice says and I melt into my bed.

"It's you. I was starting to think you wouldn't call. Is everything okay? Are you okay" I ask.

"I'm fine, thank you for asking. And how are you" she wonders.

"Good now that I can hear your voice" I admit.

The line falls silent as she thinks. I might have laid it on a bit thick there.

"So what's up? What's on your mind" I ask.

"I uh- nothing I guess. I wasn't sure what to say. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to intrude. I'll just go-" she starts.

"Wait! Why don't we do something? It's a beautiful day for May. We can go for a walk" I try.

"I don't want to bother you" she says.

"It's not a bother at all. I actually really enjoy your company" I admit.

"Oh. Okay. How about we meet at the water fountain and we can go from there" she says.

"I'll be there in a hour" I say.

I quickly jump out of bed and into the shower. After I was changed I throw on some running shoes and make my way into the city.

Once I get there I look around for someone familiar. I finally see a shorter woman with medium length wavy dark brown hair and hazel eyes. She looked young for her age, but it made what she knew that much more impressive. And she always had on all black, every time I've seen her she's been in all black. It's one of the many things I don't quite understand, but I was hoping to.

I walk over to her and stand at her side. She doesn't look away from the fountain as she gets lost in it. I know she knows I'm here but my presence doesn't affect her, I really liked that about her. She reaches her hand out in front of her as some of the back splash from the water fountain lands in her palm. She lets it's easily slip through her fingers without any struggle. Didn't seem like the type to hold on anyway.

"When I was a little girl my mom said I should be like water. Fluid, adapting. Meeting the shape of whatever it is the world takes on any given day. I can freeze and become a solid, a cornerstone in someone's life. Or be a gas where I might not be seen or felt, but I'll always be there for them. No matter what if I was water I can be whatever it is I decided" she starts and I smile. She had such a way with words.

"She sounds like a wonderful woman. Do you still talk to her" I wonder.

"No. She passed when I was four and my dad left me with my grandma shortly after. My siblings all ended up with my dads side of the family and my grandma raised me up until I was a senior in high school. She passed a few weeks after I graduated and I've been alone ever since" she explains.

She had no emotion in her voice, not a waiver or crack. Like butter on toast she just spread her life out on the ground for me and didn't even flinch. It was a awful story, heart breaking really. And she just says it with no remorse or struggle. It was kind of scary.

"Surely you have someone in your life" I try but she shakes her head. "You don't have friends or extended family? Nothing" I question.

"My biggest fear is that I will get stuck with someone just because that's the way it was intended and for no other reason. What if I don't agree with a family member? I'm supposed to put up with them just because they're family, even if they're wrong? And the friendships that die and are held on to for years only hurts everyone involved. No amount of blood or time can make something that is wrong, right. I can't seem to justify doing something simply because what has happened in the past. Not at the price of the future.

And a relationship that starts with a handshake or a smile can end in handcuffs. I don't want to be stuck in a moment in time, too scared that as much as my life sucks it might be worse if things are changed. People who do things or see people with no intention of growing, who are just continuing on simply because they're comfortable. Those people don't see all the chains keeping them from growing.

Family is fine but loving because that's what people say you should is a life sentence. Same with friends. If I do something because I feel like I have to, because I tell myself it's what I need to do, that's not freedom. And that's not love. That's a mental prison with a unbreakable lock and no key. How do you look someone in the face after everything... and tell them you want to be free from whatever emotional bind you put them in? But at the same time how can you stay with someone you know that you have no business hanging around anymore?

I wish life was as simple as finding a happily ever after. I wish I felt like there was someone I wanted to share my life with. But I think happiness is the biggest sham of it all" she shrugs.

How? How could she go through life this way? For a decade she's been by herself. Fighting to keep going and for what? Why doesn't she give up? Something kept her around for this long and I was bound and determined to figure it out.

"Relationships aren't always burdens" I try.

"No, they're not. But they're not for everyone either" she defends.

"I think we could be good friends" I try.

She just looks up at me with a questionable look. "No offense but I don't see it" she claims.

"Then why did you agree to meet me here today" I challenge.

"Curiosity" she claims.

"You really expect me to believe that" I ask.

"Yeah. Didn't really peg you as much of a thinker" she accuses.

"Ouch. That cut deep Val, it really did" I tease.

"I guess I just wanted to feel... something. Not being around people I was so used to feeling nothing. No one cared about me and I didn't care about them. But you... you came looking for me. You were asking about me. That made me feel something. I just don't know what" she admits.

I let out a soft sigh as I turn back to the fountain. I wasn't sure what I was feeling either. But it was strong, like a uncontrollable fire. And she was the flame.

"Have you eaten today" I ask ready to move on from this conversation.

"No. It seems I forgot" she admits.

"Alright. Then let's grab a bite" I offer.

"Sorry but I left my wallet at home" she tells me.

"It's on me" I assure her.

"I couldn't possibly let you do that. I can pay you back" she tries.

"I'm taking you out. My treat. No arguments" I tell her.

"Or, I will be paying you back" she says crossing her arms across her chest. Man I got my hands full with this one.

"Fine. That just means I know you will be eating today and it's a excuse for you to have to see me again" I smirk.

"Don't remind me" she mumbled.