Moving Mountains (Patrick Kane)

Roots Of the Tree .41

Patrick

It's New Years 2018 and we get some much needed rest. We don't have the winter classic on New Years this year because for once someone else gets to play. As much as I love those one of a kind outdoor games and wearing some sick alternate sweaters, it's nice to be home for a little.

And I usually like to party on New Years, get drunk with friends and do things worth forgetting about the next day. It was a tradition, almost expected at this point. People painted me as this careless idiot who will surely end his career before it ever can be cemented and I played right into their hands. Any drinking holiday I was sure to make headlines, this was no exception.

This year was different though. Valerie was coming over to ring in the new year. We would watch the fireworks from my apartment and be able to start the new year together. Look forward to making something fresh, something exciting.

We start the night by listening to music and making some snacks. And by that I mean she makes the snacks and I man the music.

"Can I ask you something" she starts as I raise a eyebrow. Usually I'm the one with the questions, what a change of pace?

"Sure" I say not really sure what to expect.

"Do you miss going out, or the way things were before you met me" she asks.

I just smile as I lean up against the counter behind me. "You know I had to be someone I don't like for years, someone that if I met them I would probably hate them. Sometimes it was too easy to fit the mold, to be what people said I was. People paint this picture of you and no matter how hard you try to change the way people saw you, it never mattered. I told people that I wasn't who they thought I was but it never mattered. They never listened.

So I acted out and no one questioned it. I was who they wanted me to be so why would they? I had become so good at fitting other peoples ideas of who I was supposed to be I didn't know where I belonged.

Then you came along and within a few seconds you changed everything. You challenged me to break the mold I was trapped in. I remember one of the first things you said to me, it was stuck in my head for days. You pointed out how I was like everyone else, lost in the crowd. I wanted to be someone who makes a difference, just like you did. But I was so worried about what people may think about me. Didn't even realize that you never saw me that way.

When you called me out for just being a side character in my own life I realized why living that was wrong. I saw how the other people I hung out with only fit the script. They didn't care about me and I didn't care about them. I was so miserable. Sitting at the table at the restaurant. Eating over priced food I didn't even like because that's what society wanted me to do. Be the good guy who cherishes friends and doesn't want to hide in his room.

After we talked when we ran into each other at the restaurant I wasn't the same. I sat back down at the table, I tried to smile but I couldn't. I wanted to so bad. Thought of things that actually made me happy. Imagined I was anywhere but there. No matter what I couldn't smile anymore.

So no, I don't miss the way it was before you. I wouldn't rather be over there pretending when I can be myself here and know that you love me" I explain.

"That's a pretty good answer" she blushes.

"There is no place I would rather be than here with you" I promise.

She finishes the food and we retreat to the couch. I find the countdown set to our time zone and let it play. It wasn't even 10 and Valerie was half asleep. There was no way she was making it to midnight.

"You work hard every day, huh" I ask. Even when she's off I know she's still a hard worker. An over thinker. She always seems tired but never of me.

"It's the only way I know how to live. My grandma used to always tell me that life was like a tree" she says.

"Seriously" I ask.

"The way she explained it makes sense" she says.

"A tree" I reiterate to make sure I heard her correctly.

"Yeah. A tree.

Picture it in your mind. The trunk. The leaves. The roots. What to you see" she continues.

"I don't know. A big tree, like 50 feet tall. Branches start all the way up near the top so no one can climb it. There are a few big roots and maybe some acorns or something" I say.

"What about the inside" she wonders.

"What about it" I counter.

"Trees live for hundreds of years and can withstand the worst natural disasters. Stand tall through any kind of adversity. They provide us with food, with oxygen, birds and other small animals a place to live. All they do is give. It's one of the few things in this world that can touch the ground and the clouds at the same time.

Life connects everything. It changes like the seasons. It provides us with the things we need. And like trees life can be beautiful, like the way the leaves change colors. Or the sap it provides for the birds and the bees.

And like life trees need roots. Lots of them. Those are like memories that keep us grounded but keeps us connected. We don't see the roots like we don't see memories. But we know they're there. The only reason we're here.

Most of all trees never get a day off. Even when they're not displaying the beautiful change of color or protecting us from the storm they still have a purpose. Just as we do. And even as the calendars change we change with them. Trees don't stand for hundreds of years without knowing how to change. And so life is like a tree" she explains.

"I like that" I smile.

"Figured you would. My grandma would have loved talking your ear off" she says.

"I know I would have loved her just from the way I love you" I insist.

She finally lifts her head so she can look me in my eyes. She was tired but she was pushing through to ring in the new year with me. There was no better way to start a new chapter of my life than with her lips on mine.