Moving Mountains (Patrick Kane)

Christmas Ham .40

Valerie

I think I was about four years old when I realized Christmas was a sham. We didn't have a chimney and dad was lactose intolerant so I found the milk poured out in the sink the next morning. It wasn't a big deal. I acted like I still believed for the next few years for my family's sake. But then I ended up with grandma who didn't really see the point in lying to me. She couldn't buy me a gift from Santa and from herself and she deserved the appreciation for all the hard work she put into her gifts. Christmas is a rich peoples holiday. We won't admit that our beloved Christian holiday has become a buy out of who can give the best gifts. The meanings of the gifts are all but gone, we give people exactly what they want and in the end it still isn't enough. That's just the way it goes.

So when Patrick asked me to spend the holiday with his family I thought nothing of it. He didn't even have decorations up but a tree and we didn't talk about presents. I assumed it was just gonna be something simple.

I assumed wrong.

"Jesus Christ" I gasp as I walk into his apartment.

"I see you're in the Christmas spirit already" he teases.

"When did all of this happen" I ask looking around. It looked like the inside of the sears tower at this point.

"That would be my sisters. It's tradition, every year they come by Christmas Eve and decorate like crazy. Each year they try to outdo the year before but I think they're running out of room. 

They actually wanted to invite you to help out but I explained that you don't really like Christmas and probably wouldn't enjoy it" he explains. 

"It's not that I don't like the holiday. It's just hard for me to get excited when it was such a forced celebration and never really was special to me" I shrug.

"Well they're bound and determined to make you like this holiday so when they inevitably become over baring give me the signal and I'll come save you" he promises.

"My knight in shining armor" I tease.

I get inside and immediately get pulled into the kitchen. There was a half burnt ham sitting on top of the oven and my eyes get big. The smoke filling up the area as it smelled like fire.

"I think we just ruined Christmas" Erica cries out as I chuckle.

"I think that's a bit of a over reaction" I insist.

"But we don't have time to thaw and cook another one. If we can even find another ham on Christmas. And how are we supposed to have dinner without the main course" she questions.

"Because this holiday isn't about that ham. It's not about food or how it's prepared. Hell it's not even about decorations.

Even to those who aren't Christian, Christmas can be a special time. The worries are smaller on days like this where we get to be together when we usually can't be. This is time for us to let the normal worries melt away and finally relax. To spend time doing what we wish we could every other day. So this burnt ham isn't the end of the world, I think I can fix it up" I assure her.

"Really" she gasps.

"Yeah. We will toss the parts that aren't savable and make a honey glaze to cover the parts that are. The ham will simmer in broth while we make the glaze to soften it up and get some of the liquids back in there" I say starting to grab what I need. 

"Patrick has these things in his place" she questions.

"I keep them here. Time is something we don't have a lot of. So sometimes I come over and make us food so we can be together even if it's just him watching me cook" I shrug.

"He's one lucky man. I'm surprised he finally convinced you to go out with him. You could do better" she jokes.

"I've never really been with anyone romantically. So a lot of things with him are new to me. It's exciting but it's also healthy. He pushes the limits he knows needs to be pushed and leaves alone the things not meant to be opened up again. We work well together despite us having two very different outlooks on life. Not many people understand me, hell even I struggle to figure out why I'm feeling the way I am. But he listens to what I say, even what I don't. I'm lucky to love him" I insist.

"Well I'm happy you're together. I know I wasn't on board with this whole situation at the start. I didn't get why he felt like he needed to protect you from us. But I get it now, he felt like it wasn't his place to tell us. And it wasn't. I wouldn't have gotten that but now I do. Thanks for not giving up on him when things got hard. He needs a person in his life he can trust. I'm glad it's you" she smiles.

So this is what's it's like to have a sister?

We save the ham and sit around the living room to eat. The tv was turned off as we share stories. Not even Christmas related but funny nonetheless. It sounds like they were as close as can be growing up and it stayed that way even after everyone went their separate ways. I'm lucky his family let me be a part of this.

After dinner was presents and I slip away. Let them do their gift exchange and have some fun. I sit on Patrick's bed just fiddling my thumbs. This was family time and they don't get a lot of that without me butting in. I have no problem stepping to the side and respecting their family traditions. So I just sit and wait until I believe the gifts were done.

The door opens up and I expect to see Patrick but instead I see his mom. She smiles at me as she walks over. The bed dips as she sits down next to me. A gift bag is placed in my lap as I look at her weird.

"It's something from all of us. I know you said you didn't want to do gifts, but that's just not how we roll" she insists.

I stare at the gift as it stares back at me. I'm not one for receiving. I like to give but my pockets were still hurting after Patrick's little surprise trip for his birthday last month. I wanted to get them all something but I couldn't. Which is why Christmas lost all its magic for me. And I didn't know what to think about getting a gift.

Eventually I take out the paper and set the bag on the ground. I look down and tears almost immediately fall to my cheek.

Inside the bag was a blanket with a picture on it. I knew the picture immediately because it was one of the very few pictures I had on my phone. It was of Patrick and I and his family at the united center during the first game where I met everyone. Everyone was looking at the camera except Patrick who was looking at me. This picture gave me butterflies every time I saw it.

"Even if you guys didn't know it, even back then the love was visible. Just the way he looked at you, talked about you, you would think it was meant to be" she admits.

"It sure feels like it" I whisper.