Moving Mountains (Patrick Kane)

Growing Up .11

Patrick

Summer time in Chicago is always a good time. The bars never close and the drinks taste even sweeter. There's boat parties and bottomless shots. I truly believe there is no place quite like Chicago when it's hot outside.

Tonight I get to go out with some buddies I hang around with when I'm in town. Friends I've made along the way in my time here. Probably isn't the best company but they don't treat me like some god and any time is a good time when you're drunk enough.

So we hit the bars, I drink until I feel like I can't drink anymore. I hit the dance floor and start to jump around. There was no need for rhythm right now. Just two left feet and another shot if it'll go down and stay there.

I feel a tap on my shoulder so I turn around to dance with whoever it was who was asking. I'm not picky.

Suddenly I'm met with a pair of familiar hazel eyes. One with a little more green and one with a little more brown. There was a cute button nose and medium length curly hair. And those lips that I have dreamed of kissing for far too long.

"Val" I gasp.

"Who's Val" the woman questions.

I lean in closer and reazlie this girls eyes weren't hazel but more of a light brown. And she didn't have that look in her eyes, like I'm someone worth fighting for. Her nose was a little smaller and lips a little tighter.

This couldn't be the girl I was thinking of. She might be close but I know her, this wasn't her.

"I- I'm sorry. I need a moment" I excuse myself.

I leave the bar and get some fresh air to hopefully snap myself out of whatever it is I'm stuck in. My fingers run through my hair as I realize that even in my drunken state, she was all I could think about. I look up at the moon and smile, I know she's out there looking at the moon too. Hopefully thinking of me, thinking I'm someone worth shining her light onto.

The alcohol starts to wear me out so I lean up against the building. I slowly slide down until my knees rest on my head.

"Patrick.. what the fuck are you doing out here" my friend says as he stops in front of me.

"I miss her so much" I mumble into my knees.

"You miss who, exactly" he asks. I haven't exactly brought her up to anyone, but I had my reasons.

"I miss the sun. I miss the way I feel so warm when she's around. I miss the way she causes my cheeks to feel like they're on fire whenever she talks. I miss the way she makes sure my shadow is behind be and that I never get stuck it. She keeps it behind me every single day" I say.

"Wait how do you know the sun is a girl" he questions.

"Because I talk to her almost every day. And I see her, the way she shines. Sometimes it seems like she only shines for me" I smile.

It falls silent as he bends down to see eye to eye with me.

"How much did you drink tonight" he asks me.

"Enough to know that this isn't where I want to be anymore. This place, these people, it's getting old. I mean I'm almost 30, I've already missed so many nights under a sky like this. I don't want to miss anymore" I confess.

He rests his hand on my knee as he just smiles. "Look at you growing up. Still drunk, but growing up" he admits.

"I am gonna miss hanging out with you. You've been a good friend" I assure him.

"Thanks Pat. I still got a few good years in me. But hey, maybe one day we will both settle down and we will be sharing drinks as married men" he claims.

I just smile and nod as a drunken hiccup passes my lips. "I would like that. A lot."

"And who's the lucky girl? This sun" he wonders.

"I'm the lucky one. She's changed so much, but I'm the one who has been touched. She's unlike anyone I know, sometimes she's mean and sarcastic, then she's kind and thoughtful.

But she's always true, that never changes. Every word she speaks is real whether you like what she said or not. And she's set me free, she's helped me realize that I don't have to settle on being treated like I'm some comfort friend. I deserve to have a real relationship with people who could care less about what happens to me" I explain.

"Well I'm happy for you. And for the record, I do care about you. That's why I came out here looking for you. Wanted to make sure you were okay because you had been acting weird the past few months. I seem to be the only one who noticed but you hide it well, beginning with that smile" he accuses.

"That was the goal. But I don't have to pretend anymore" I smile.

After a while we get up. I call Valerie who shuns me for getting drunk on a random Wednesday night. But she walks the few miles to come get me. She loads me up in my car as she settles in behind the drivers seat.

"Look at you drivin" I hiccup as she rolls her eyes.

"Doesn't look like I had much of a choice, no thanks to you" she accused.

"Oh no... are you mad at me" I ask.

"No Patrick, I'm not" she sighs. "I just don't get why you drank like this in the first place."

"You" is all I say. She slowly turns to me before turning down the radio.

"What does that mean" she questions.

"I see your face everywhere. When I open my eyes, especially when I close them. And so I drink to get you out of my head and still you were the only thing on my mind. Like a song they play on every station on the radio. Like a recipe passed down for generations there's no getting rid of you. No matter how far gone I was, you were always there" I say softly.

She doesn't react as she turns back to the road. Even if I wasn't plastered I couldn't ever read her. Is this what she wants to hear, what she needs to hear? Do my words even reach her? How would I know?

"We spend our whole lives trying to find our place in the world, where we fit in this puzzle. We come to places like this hoping that if we're drunk enough it might look like things match. But we aren't meant to fit in, we're supposed to stand out. We aren't supposed to meet our fate, we make it. Create our own puzzle and decide where each piece goes.

I mean look at you. I can assure you those dreams you had, the things they had planned for you, you blew past them. You didn't complete a puzzle rather start one on your own. Let people mold the pieces but I promise you this isn't the same puzzle you started back then.

It might be changing but you still know your place, who fits with you and who doesn't. Even drunk off your ass you know what you need, what to say" she tells me.

"Thank you" I whisper. "For everything."