Moving Mountains (Patrick Kane)

Its the Small Things .17

Patrick

Now that we're getting into August some of my teammates join me in Chicago. It wasn't quite time for hockey yet, I still had a vacation to go on after all. But it was almost time for training camp and people were getting their kids into school and settled back into the Windy City after being home for the summer.

I decide to meet up with some of them as Val was at work and she seemed to be the only person I hung out with these days. Those so called friends I had from making my way around this city, it was too easy to drop them. Haven't spoken to them in weeks and they haven't reached out to me either. It's like releasing the dead weight in my life. There's not much need for friends but I was excited to have my teammates back into town because they were more like family.

"Look at you, you're glowing" my good friend Jonathan says as he pulls me into a hug.

Jonny and I have been stuck together from the start. We were two very different people, in many ways the things I respected about him was the things I respected about Valerie too. It's that stuff that I don't have. They're both great leaders and thoughtful individuals. Both seem rough on the outside but would do anything for the ones they care about. I think they would get along swimmingly, or both be too hard headed for their own good.

"It's been a long... long summer" I chuckle.

"What have you been up to" he asks.

I let him go as I just stand there. What do I tell him when I myself don't really understand what this summer has done for me?

"Hello? Patrick? Did you spend the whole summer disassociating or something" he asks waving his hand in front of my face.

"Let's sit down. Then we can talk" I insist.

We find a familiar spot in our favorite bar and order some drinks. I take a long sip of my beer before turning to him.

"Okay. We're sat so talk. What's with you? You seem... different" he accuses.

"I hope that's a good thing" I chuckle.

"I think it is, but I'm not sure yet. You're not one for change" he remembers.

"I wasn't. And that's how I got stuck in places I didn't belong in. Doing things I didn't enjoy. Surrounded myself with people I never really cared for simply because that's all I knew. But doing the same things I always did was less terrifying than my fear of being in a place I didn't know doing things that I might not be good at. I was more afraid of being alone than with people who were just using me" I explain.

"So what changed" he finally asks. The million dollar question.

"I met this girl. At first I thought she was insane. She single handedly stopped armed robbery without even thinking about it. This tiny little thing decided to play David and Goliath in Chicago of all cities. I watched from a distance fully believing she was the fool, involving herself with someone that could have been starting for the Bulls.

But after questioning her I realized I was the fool. I told myself I couldn't do anything about the situation so I didn't interfere, but in reality even the smallest of people can make the biggest difference. It's not that I couldn't have stopped him, it's that I didn't want to. In a crowd of people she was the only one brave enough, smart enough to do so. I shunned her for sticking her neck out but if she didn't that lady probably would never get her things back.

I was the fool. It took me about a day to realize it and by then I didn't think I would see that girl again. I spiraled trying to figure out why she would risk herself like that, without a care of how it can hurt her. I was jealous of the way she could do things and not give a damn what people thought. There was so much she had to teach me" I smile.

"Holy shit. Holy fucking shit you fell in love with a girl after mere moments. That's crazy" he accuses.

"I am not in love with Valerie" I scoff.

"You know her name! You still talk to her" he pieces together.

"We talk every day but that's besides the point" I try.

"Oh our little Patrick is growing up" he teases.

"It's not like that! We're friends, that's it" I defend.

"Is this the same friend you're going to Washington with" he asks.

My face catches fire as my eyes move back to my drink. I take a long swig causing Jonathan to laugh. Maybe he's the friend I should have dropped.

"I don't know how much you have been lying to yourself, but it's kinda funny to see you all flustered like this. I'm glad you've grown up this summer and I'm happy you found someone who is important enough to change a man who feared change more than anything. But who are you trying to protect here" he questions.

"Her" I admit causing him to gasp. "While she is out here helping everyone she doesn't think about herself. She feeds others but doesn't eat herself. She goes into work on a Saturday morning even though she's worked 50 hours before the weekend even hits. She spent her whole life in silence just to hear the needs of others, trapped in the dark so everyone else around her shines. It's no way to live but she doesn't know anything different. There is no family to care for her, friends to watch over her" I explain.

"But she has you, is that it" he asks.

I just smile and nod because of course he figured it out. "She has me. And she pushes me away, she denies some of my attempts to help her. But she's not getting rid of me."

"Because you love her" he says again.

"Can you please stop with that word" I beg.

"Why? Because if you say it then everything changes again" he says.

I sit there as my eyes fall to the bar top. I spin my bottle around over and over again trying not to think about this.

"I still remember the first time I saw her smile. It had been weeks and she kept her guard up at all times. Never wavered or even cracked, just nothing but seriousness and deprecation. And then finally she smiled, she laughed, and I felt like I was dreaming. It's like her whole entire life changed in a instance and she was happy.

You know what makes her eyes really light up? It's sweet stuff. All food in general but she loves chocolate and cakes. There's many times that she has an unreadable expression but they're no hiding the sparkle in those eyes when they're something sweet in front of her. Wouldn't bat her eye at a diamond or a pop star, but a .50 cent ice cream cone would send her in a tizzy.

It's the little things that me realize that life isn't always about the big things. A smile, a sparkle in the eye. They add up to be something bigger than I could have imagined" I say.

"If that's not love... then what is it" he questions.

"An adventure" I smile. "A journey for the both of us. To figure out what it's all about, and why we ended up like this. Together."