Moving Mountains (Patrick Kane)

Waves of Love .22

Patrick

We have team get together before the season starts and we all end up at Duncan Keith's house. He and his girlfriend host the guys and their significant others. It was normal for us to hang out, it's tradition really. We get along well and we have a long season ahead of us to look forward to.

After some reassurance I get Val to come with me. The girls she met at my place the other night just adored her and she didn't have work so I figured why not? We're not together, I get why it's a little weird for the both of us. I bribe her with food like always and she agrees to come.

Unfortunately for me as soon as we arrive the girls pull her into the living room with strict instructions for me to leave so I decide to drink a few beers and enjoy myself, she was driving after all. I sit off to the side by myself to talk to my friends but still keep a eye on her. Make sure she's not trying to give me the signal to get out of here.

As my eyes scan the room they fall to the one person they always seem to find. In a room of a million people I could easily find her. Her sparkling eyes that was always so intense. She never missed a detail, never failed to see something that most people could never see. And her hair falling over her face trying to hide away from everyone, everyone except me of course.

From across the room she meets my stare and I feel my heart skip a beat. But I don't look away, for she was all I could see. There was no place in the world I could look that was better than her. And she sends a smile my way, something she does for only me. I wish I could bottle up this feeling she gave me, god I would keep it forever. Know that every bad day would end the moment she gave me that smile.

Someone pulls her attention away and she turns back to the wine she was sipping. But my eyes stay on the only person in this room I couldn't possibly live without. I couldn't possibly imagine a future where she's not in my head making me rethink everything I never blinked a eye at before I met her.

"Patrick" Jonny says and I snap out of my trance. I shake my head of those thoughts I've tried to ignore for a while now. "You okay there? I've seen you zoned out before but I don't think you were even on this earth."

"Yeah... I'm- I'm fine" I stutter.

"You sure? You were pretty far gone" he noticed.

"I was" I question. 

"Yeah. I guess that's what happens when you love someone" he accuses.

"Me? In love with Val?? Don't be crazy" I accuse.

"I never said Val" he states.

I feel my heart drop out my ass when I realize I just assumed he was talking about her. He barley even knows her why would he be talking about her? But I was thinking about her. Always thinking about her.

"Well ... I'm not" I defend.

"You're a shit liar. Especially about your feelings. And you might fool every single player and coach, maybe even your family. But you can't trick me" he insists.

"How can I love someone like her? Who sees through every vail, every lie. The things I've done, the things I have to do, it's nothing she would be proud of. It's because of people like me that people like her have to exist. She has spent her whole life watching people, studying them, how could she ever fall for a guy like me" I ask.

"Love doesn't have reasons, you know" he asks.

But that's where he was wrong. I could talk for hours about the reasons why she makes me feel worth loving. All the reasons she taught me to love too.

My heart sinks further as the silence starts to suffocate me. I feel my heart rate get slower and slower until it was thumping, was echoing in my head. Tears come to my eyes as I realized I had many reasons to love her.

And I did.

"I need a moment" I whisper before abruptly getting up form my seat.

"Patrick" he tries.

"I need some time. Alone. Please" I beg.

I walk out of the house and onto the street without saying another word. I was familiar with this part of the city, I spent a lot of time with Duncan and his kid, I know my way around. So I let my feet roam until I come across a pond. After a while I sit next to the water and just toss rocks into it. Watch how one little pebble creates waves throughout the whole pond.

I feel my cheek get wet and look up to the sky. Not a damn cloud in sight. My hand reaches up to wipe at the stray tear drop but as soon as I do another one replaces it. I felt weak, I felt confused. I didn't know what to do, or to say. The tears were more of frustration, that I let it get this far without saying a word. That I so easily fell and without a care of how this might affect her, or me.

All I know is that I loved this girl, with my whole heart I loved her, and I didn't know what this means. If it meant anything.

I loved her without reason. Without even trying. And I think that's what made this love better than any other love I know. It was unexpected and strong and oh so beautiful. Like a sunset with the fluffiest clouds, or a full moon with nothing to hide. She made me feel like I wasn't what everyone said about me, she didn't see me the way anyone else did. And in return she helped me see that love wasn't like they said. Not at all.

While she was slowly showing me how to love she also taught me to love myself. Love the person I am when no one is around. I was ashamed of that guy for the longest time, too afraid to show my true colors scared that people wouldn't accept me. She pushed away all the shit I surrounded myself with so people could see who I was underneath it all, and she accepted me for every flaw, every mistake. She got me to see that I am enough, I don't need to surround myself with material things to have worth. Doesn't matter what I did out on the ice. Didn't know a thing about hockey and yet she thought I was someone worth learning about. For someone like her to give me the time of day, to share herself in the way she has. Even when she was scared, even when she didn't want to tell she trusted me. And I don't want to let her down.

I especially don't want to break her heart.

So I will swallow my feelings. Push them to the side for her sake. I wasn't sure what she was feeling, or if she loved me too. To be truthful I was scared to know if the feelings were reciprocated. I don't know what I would do if they weren't. And yet I don't know if I can ignore these feelings any longer. I didn't even want to.

Time passes by before someone finally approached me. I see the shadow and smile to myself knowing it was her. It's always her

She doesn't say anything as she sits next to me. I'm sure she was confused as to why I ran out and why I was gone for so long. But something told me we would end up alone like this. So I hand her a rock and she tossed it in the water. We watched the waves spread across the pond until they get to the shore.

"Life is a lot like the ripples in the water" she claims.

"How so" I wonder.

"They're untouchable. You watch them approach you but as soon as you reach out the water pulls away. If you're still in the water you can feel it's impact but the moment you reach out to greet it, anticipate what is to come the ripples you create will push everything away.

In life we try to catch the ripples only to create some of our own. And there's nothing you can do about it. Either you stay still and accept the ripple of someone else's stone in the water or you counteract with ripple of our own. But they'll never mix, one will over power the other. We will never know others ripples if they're met with resistance. Only acceptance will get the water to where it needs to go" she explains.

I let out a deep sigh as I finally find the courage to turn to her. She just looks out over the water like she didn't just drop some deep life changing quote. How does she do it? How can she just say these things and never show emotion. It's scary, how shut off she can be at times. I'm not sure I will ever understand her fully. But that's the beauty of falling in love.