Shadows Whisper | | Azriel

14

After dinner, Killan dragged Astryn off to his room—their room now. It was cleaner than she expected, but she quickly realized that was thanks to maids and not his own upkeep.

"It's a shame you look so much like your brother," Killan remarked once they were in private, "if our son looks anything like you, it will be entirely disappointing."

Astryn stayed quiet, and Killan rolled his eyes.

"There's clothes for you in some drawer over there. I don't know where exactly the maid put them but you can find them and change into a nightgown," he instructed, watching her closely.

She felt like she might fall apart with the way he stared at her. She found the nightgown, and then she looked to him. He raised an eyebrow at her and she stood stiffly.

"I told you to change. Take your fucking clothes off and put the nightgown on," Killan demanded with a growl. "I won't tell you again, sweetheart."

Her eyes were downcast. She stared down at the floor as she got undressed and Killan laughed. She put the nightgown on as quickly as she could, trying to hide herself from him. The nightgown didn't provide much coverage though, it only came down to mid-thigh and the top was low cut with thin straps.

"I wish they hadn't starved you so much," Killan commented, "there's nothing for me to have fun with. You're basically a fucking skeleton. It's disgusting."

"I'm sorry," she muttered, and she didn't even know why. It was the right response though, exactly what he wanted from her.

"We'll fix you," he said, crossing the room and going to her. His fingertips traced over her jawline, then her cheekbone. "We can make you pretty. Or as pretty as a Night Court bastard can be."

Astryn squeezed her eyes shut, earning another laugh from Killan. He shoved her and it was enough to have her on the floor.

"Get up," he ordered, rolling his eyes again, "it's time for bed."

Astryn forced herself up off the floor and got in bed. Killan settled in with her, arm draped possessively over her waist after her pulled her against himself.

She didn't sleep that night.

•

Back in the Night Court, Azriel couldn't sleep either. His wounds from the arrows had already healed, but the shadows were still in a frenzy. They didn't scream at him anymore, but they kept muttering about Astryn.

Rhys didn't sleep either. He and Azriel sat awake together on top of the House of Wind. The silence between them had stretched on for hours.

"It's not your fault," Rhys finally spoke, "it's not your fault they got her. And I am grateful that you're still alive." 

Azriel let out a little huff of acknowledgment, deciding against making any comments.

"Azriel," Rhys said, his voice tense, "I'm sorry."

"I'm sure you are," Azriel scoffed bitterly, glaring at the sky.

"I didn't mean to get so...controlling," he replied, unsure of how to even say it.

Azriel stood up, entirely done with this conversation. Rhys tried calling him back, and the shadowsinger turned to look at him with eyes full of sadness and disappointment.

"You know, I never noticed how much you look like your father sometimes," Azriel said coldly before he turned and left.

Rhysand didn't stop him this time. The insult hit where it hurt, just like Azriel knew it would.

Rhys never wanted to be like his father. He hadn't even wanted to be High Lord like his father had been before him. He would have been content to live a quiet life away from all of this. He wanted nothing to do with his father or the brutal legacy he was left. He had tried so hard to be nothing like his father, to be the exact opposite. He hadn't realized just how much like his father he was being when he stepped in and started controlling his sister and his friend.

It hadn't occurred to him how wrong it was. He was trying to protect her. He couldn't stand even the thought of losing another sister. He had only just found her, how could he risk losing her? It tore him apart inside and he felt like he had to keep them apart. But it was too far—ordering Azriel around and sneaking behind Astryn's back to do it.

And he still lost her in the end. After that, he still lost her after only a day. She was somewhere in the Autumn Court and he ached at the thought of what might be happening. He took her one day of freedom and twisted it all up by keeping her away from someone she was drawn to for whatever reason.

It killed him to know her one bit of freedom wasn't even really freedom because of him sticking his nose into things. Who was he to tell Azriel to stay away from her? To try to take away the one person she felt truly comfortable with? He didn't know what it was that drew Azriel and Astryn together, or why the shadows were drawn to Astryn. He wondered if they were still with her now in the Autumn Court, if they provided her any companionship. He hoped they were with her. He hoped she wasn't completely alone.

He sat there alone, wondering about all the terrible things that might be happening to the sister he didn't even get the chance to know. Was she chained up in another cell right now? Was she in chains again? Were they force feeding faebane to her? Was she locked up in faebane infused chains all over again?

The thought of what she could be going through had him near tears. How had he failed so miserably? How did he fail his sister so completely? How did he fail both of his sisters? His sisters and his mother and even Azriel. He failed all of them.

He didn't think he would ever even begin to forgive himself.