Shadows Whisper | | Azriel

48

Astryn didn't go directly back to the house. She wasn't really ready to. She requested the shadows not tell Azriel where she was. After about an hour, she finally went back.

She was wrapped tightly in someone's arms the moment she got there. It only took her half a second to realize it was Azriel. She hugged back but it didn't last long before he pulled away, eyes so wild with worry.

"Where were you?" he demanded, breathing heavily. "The shadows refused to tell me and no one had even realized you were gone for who knows how long! Where were you?"

"I just—I just went out," she mumbled, her voice so small. She suddenly understood why Mikael was afraid of Azriel.

"You didn't tell anyone," he shouted, anger showing in place of all the fear and anxiety he had felt when he realized she was gone. "You didn't tell anyone where you were going—you just fucking vanished! I thought you had been taken again. I thought you were gone! Why would you not tell anyone where you were going? Or at least mention the fact that you were leaving at all?"

"You said you wanted me to explore," she reminded him, quiet and nervous.

"Safely! I wanted you to explore safely. You went out alone and told no one where you were going and you don't even know your way around the city yet and the last time you were there you got fucking drunk off drinks from compete strangers and that was when you did have someone with you! I can't—you didn't tell anyone you were leaving! I was about to go tear the entire Court of Nightmares to fucking shreds because I thought they had you again," he ranted, roughly pushing his hair out of his face.

He froze in place when she flinched. That one movement had caused her to flinch. He had caused her to flinch.

"I'm sorry," she apologized so quietly he could hardly hear, "I'm sorry."

"Astryn..." he trailed off, guilt flooding him and leaving him at a loss for words.

"I'll be good," she spoke pleadingly, and his mind flashed painfully back to when the shadows had first shoved a vision of her in that cell into his head. She had said those same words then. He hated himself for this. "I'll be good. I won't—I'll ask permission before I go anywhere. Or I'll just stay here. I'll be good."

Azriel felt like he might actually throw up, but he forced that feeling back for now. He forced himself to try to stay calm and not allow himself to wallow in self-loathing quite yet. Not until she felt safe and calm again.

"You don't have to stay here, or ask permission to do anything. I didn't...I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you," he said, his voice much softer now, "I was just scared. I came back and found out you were gone and no one knew where you went and I was scared. I'm not angry or anything like that. I'm sorry I scared you."

"I shouldn't have left without telling anyone," she mumbled, eyes downcast, "I should have said I was leaving. I just—I thought you wanted me to go out and...I thought I was doing what you wanted."

"I'm sorry for the way I reacted," he apologized again, and she shrugged helplessly.

"I won't go without telling anyone again," she murmured, shifting nervously. "May I go find Cassian?"

"You don't need to ask permission," he told her, everything inside of him aching. She stayed still, like she thought this was some kind of test. He wondered if they tested her like that in when she was in that cell. "Astryn, you don't need my permission to do anything."

Hesitantly, she backed away from him. She didn't turn her back to him until there was some distance between them. The shadows stayed with her as she walked through the halls. They had all peeled away from Azriel and gone with her instead when she walked away from him. They were cool against her skin and she appreciated it. She felt like she was burning in shame inside. She also felt like she would cry.

She found Cassian in one of the many rooms she had yet to explore. Mor and Amren were both with him, but she hardly even looked at them. They stared at her though, and so did Cassian. She looked almost as afraid as she did the day she first got here.

"Can we go to the other house please?" she requested quietly, eyes on the floor.

"Yeah, of course," Cassian agreed to it easily. "Do you want to leave right now?"

She only nodded in response. She didn't listen to whatever it was that Cassian said to Mor and Amren before he draped an arm over her shoulder and tucked her in close to himself.

"You okay?" he asked as he walked her out. "Did something happen in the city?"

"Azriel is scary when he's mad," she mumbled, feeling Cassian tense slightly.

Cassian knew Azriel, knew he didn't have it in himself to ever hurt Astryn. But the mate bond had driven so many males to madness in the past. He didn't think Azriel would lose his mind so easily, but he felt a flicker of fear and couldn't stop questions that felt wrong to even ask from slipping out.

"Did he put his hands on you? Did he hurt you in any way?" Cassian inquired, his tone gentle but edged with tension.

"No," Astryn answered, which was a relief. "He was just...angry. He didn't do anything. It's foolish to be scared by just some anger—"

"It's not," Cassian interrupted, "what you feel...after what you went through, it makes sense that things like that could be scary. If you need time away from him, I'll keep him away from you as long as you need."

"He's your friend," she pointed out, looking at him through watery eyes.

"So are you," he reminded her, to which she frowned.

"Only because I'm his mate and I'm Rhysand's...because of him too," she reasoned, and now it was Cassian frowning.

"Do you truly believe that's the only reason I care about you? Because of who you are to them?" he asked, so saddened at the idea alone.

She blinked at him in confusion before answering with a question.

"Why else would you?"

"Because you're you," he told her, as if that made any sense. "It doesn't matter to me who you are to them. I'm your friend because of who you are. Not because of you are to anyone else, just because of who you are."