Shadows Whisper | | Azriel

26

Azriel couldn't stop thinking about what Astryn had told him.

You're lovely, she had said with so much sincerity.

He didn't understand how she could think that about him. It was almost overwhelming. How could she think that about him? She had seen him drenched in blood and ready to kill when he gone to the Autumn Court for her. She knew just a fraction of what he was capable of, and that should have been enough to send her running. But she thought he was lovely.

She was sleeping again now. Her body was worn out from the beating she had taken and all the healing she still had to do. He sat at her bedside, wondering how long it would take her to realize that she was wrong—he wasn't lovely.

He felt very far from being lovely when Rhys came into the room. He was still so angry at him.

"Can we speak in private?" Rhys requested, his eyes lingering on Astryn for a moment before he focused his stare on Azriel.

"I won't be leaving her bedside," Azriel replied coldly, "a conversation with you isn't worth risking her waking up alone."

Rhys was quiet for a few seconds before he sighed, his shoulders sagging.

"I'm sorry," he apologized quietly, "for trying to keep you away from her, for overstepping."

"Go be sorry somewhere else," the shadowsinger scoffed, refusing to show his hurt. It was far too vulnerable of a thing to let Rhys know he had done worse than just make him angry—he had hurt him. Anger was easy to show, but hurt and betrayal and sadness seemed almost embarrassing to him. He would rather just be angry.

"I need you to understand that...it doesn't make it any better, but I didn't give that order because it was you," Rhys told him, and Azriel nearly flinched. Had his insecurities been that obvious? "It had nothing to do with you. I would have made the same stupid mistake had it been anyone else because it wasn't about you. It was about her. She hasn't ever known freedom, and I wanted her to have the chance to go out and have a life before she made any sort of commitment to anyone."

"I wouldn't deprive her of any freedoms," Azriel muttered, eyes downcast. "I expect nothing from her. I told her she could reject the bond if she wanted to. She wasn't interested in rejecting me. I don't know why, but maybe it's just because this is all she has known. I won't allow her to accept the bond any time soon."

"What?" Rhys asked, visibly taken aback.

"I haven't explained that bit to her yet either, but she'll probably ask and when she does I plan to make sure it clear that I don't want her to accept the bond yet. You're not the only one who wants her to have a life, Rhys. I don't want her to accept me because she thinks that's what she's supposed to do and then go out into the world and realize there's better that she's missing because she accepted me. I want her to have time to see what else there is. I won't let her choose me when she has no idea what else there is."

"Azriel, I...I really am sorry. You don't have to accept my apology, but I am sorry," Rhys apologized, and this time Azriel gave a short nod.

"I failed to get answers about who in the Court of Nightmares was involved in her imprisonment," Azriel changed the subject, "I lacked the self-control to question the male who nearly beat her to death."

"I don't blame you for that," Rhys muttered, his voice fully of hatred for that male. "I would have torn him apart without question if I had been there too."

"Eris may be a possible lead though. She specifically requested he not be hurt. I haven't asked her much about why she didn't want him to be hurt but I assume it has to be because he helped her in some way," Azriel reasoned despite how much hate he held for Eris.

"Eris wouldn't have helped her if it wasn't to help himself in some way. Maybe he just helped her so she would say not to hurt him. He may be selfish but he's not stupid. He had to have known we'd come for her," Rhys pointed out, "beyond that, I don't see what he would have to gain from helping her."

Azriel paused for a moment to think about it. Eris was deplorable, but he wasn't stupid or shortsighted.

"An alliance," Azriel said when the realization hit him, "Eris helped her to try to secure an alliance with you."

"Going behind his father's back to secure an alliance with us is a dangerous move," Rhys muttered thoughtfully, "he must have some big goals in mind."