Shadows Whisper | | Azriel

70

Astryn couldn't shake the feeling of dread she felt at seeing Vyn.

Cassian was talking, but she couldn't hear a word he was saying. It was all muffled. She still couldn't calm her racing heartbeat either. Her breathing hadn't steadied and her palms were still slick with sweat. Every time she blinked, she saw those blurry figures standing outside of her cell.

She flinched when Cassian set a hand on her arm, and his eyes widened in alarm as he quickly pulled away.

"Ryn," he spoke softly, his voice finally breaking over the haze as she was forced to snap back to reality. "Come on, you should sit. I'll get you some water."

She nodded and followed him, feeling entirely numb now. The fear has vanished from her eyes and her stare became something so scarily empty, entirely vacant as if she wasn't even here anymore.

Cassian got her a glass of water and sat with her, eyes shining with concern. Astryn reached to take the water when he held it out for her, but the moment her fingertips made contact with it, the glass exploded into countless tiny shards. Astryn still just looked with that vacant stare, as if she hadn't just done that.

Cassian stared at the remains of the glass, glittering dust slowing winking out of existence. Tiny, barely there cuts marred his hands but he hardly even noticed the faint sting of it.

He started reaching towards her, but stopped when she spoke in a voice he wasn't used to hearing from her.

"Don't," she said, her voice as empty as her eyes, "I don't think it would end well."

As if to punctuate that statement, the final bit of glass dust flickered into nothingness.

Cassian thought about her warning, and he could almost picture his own body turning to dust and then nothing at the touch of her fingers.

"I'm going to bed," she mumbled, standing up suddenly. Her movements were stiff and awkward as she headed off.

Cassian followed after her, keeping a few steps behind. His resolve to give her space shattered right along with the bedroom door when she touched the knob to open the door. Wood went flying, slowly turning into those bits of dust like the glass had. Cassian acted quickly when the door shattered, shielding Astryn by throwing himself in front of her so the rapidly shrinking bits of wood whipped at his skin instead of hers.

He hissed lowly as the wood left splinters in his wings. The little splintered bits of wood vanished too, little dots of blood forming where they had been.

Astryn stumbled back a step, staring at his wings and then his hands and every other place where the wood or the glass had cut him. Her eyes were still so empty, but Cassian could practically taste the guilt she felt.

"You should go," she muttered, finding herself unnerved at the emptiness in her own voice. She felt the guilt, so much guilt that she was worried she might explode. She felt the guilt but she couldn't express it.

"I am not leaving you," Cassian dismissed, taking a step closer to her. "I'm staying with you at least until Azriel gets here."

Astryn sat on the floor, hands carefully folded in her lap so she didn't accidentally touch anything and ruin it. Cassian sat next to her and set a hand on her knee. She flinched slightly, and he gave a reassuring squeeze.

"It's okay," he assured her gently, "I'm not going anywhere."

"I feel like I'm going to explode," she confessed, her voice still so quietly and empty.

"Then do it," Cassian spoke calmly, "if you need to explode, then do it. I'll be right here with you the whole time."

"I keep trying to just ignore it," she muttered, and they both knew what it was. "But I can feel it against the inside of my skin. And the—Vyn...he woke something up."

"Let it breathe. Let yourself breathe."

Astryn hesitated, and it seemed like the air stilled in anticipation for what she might do next. Then she let out a shaking breath and the entire house shook violently.

A chunk of the ceiling fell in from right above them, and Cassian threw himself over her, once again covering her body with his own. He didn't move until the house stopped shaking.

"Cassian," she mumbled, eyes welled up with tears, "it hurts. I want it to go away."

"Let it out," he urged, so gentle and patient, "it'll be okay, I promise. Let it out."

"I'll wreck the house," she breathed shakily, tears slipping down her cheeks.

"We'll build a new one," Cassian dismissed the concern, "it doesn't matter."

"I want it to go away," she repeated, "I want it to stop."

Then she vanished. Cassian stared at the space where she had been. She reappeared moments later, and there was a faint scent to her that he couldn't quite place. She seemed the slightest bit more dulled now, eyes so exhausted.

"Ryn?" Cassian spoke nervously, eyebrows furrowed. "Talk to me, please."

"I thought I was better," she muttered, "I felt better. But I don't think I was ever better."

"Astryn, look at me," Cassian ordered, and Astryn found herself obeying despite how detached she felt. "You were better. You are better. This isn't a reset, it's just a stumble. And that's okay. Everyone stumbles."

"I want to go away," she said, tears falling faster, "I want to go away with Azriel again. There was no magic there. It was just us."

"Running from your power won't make it go away," he pointed out gently, sympathy shining in his eyes, "you can...if you need to decompress, going away for a bit is okay but you need to deal with it eventually. You need to let Rhys train you soon."

"I'm scared of accepting it," she admitted, "letting him train me means accepting that it's never going away. I don't want to accept that it's just going to be there forever. I don't want it. I just want it to go away."

"It's not going anywhere," Cassian told her what she already knew, "but it's not something you have to be afraid of. It's part of you. It's not just some thing that lives inside you. It is you."

"Don't say that," she muttered, "if that's me...if that's me, I hate me."