Shadows Whisper | | Azriel

29

Azriel was hesitant to leave Astryn's side, and she was hesitant to be without him, but Azriel knew that he and Rhys should have a conversation. They both needed to talk. They needed to talk about how Astryn almost called that cell home, how there was a moment where Azriel thought it seemed like she wasn't ready to leave that cell.

Azriel met Rhys in his office, and he was surprised to see just how much of a wreck the High Lord seemed to be. His hair was a wreck, his eyes bloodshot, and the usual scent of him was tinged with misery.

"Have I truly been so terrible?" Rhys asked, vulnerable in a way he hadn't been in quite some time. "So terrible that she'd come so close to calling that place home—that she'd winnow out of here and to there in a panic?"

"That had nothing to do with you and you know it," Azriel pointed out the obvious, slight annoyance in his tone. The talk they had had earlier put most of the animosity between them to rest, but there was still lingering hurt that made it hard for Azriel to care to be kind to him. "Stop being so self-pitying about this."

"She hates me," the High Lord muttered, "she hates me. My own sister wants nothing to do with me—she hardly even wants to be near me."

"Maybe you should have done better from the start then," Azriel replied coldly before a bit of that ice melted. "I'll talk to her about it. It'd be best for everyone if she found some way to be comfortable around you, considering you're the only one of us equipped to teach her how to control her power."

It was quiet for a moment before Rhys cleared his throat and spoke again, trying to keep his voice steady.

"How was she? When she winnowed you both to that cell...was she...how was she?" he questioned, struggling to find the right words.

"I think, for a moment at least, she wanted to stay there," the shadowsinger answered quietly, sadly. "She would have preferred staying there. I don't think she's fully ready to deal with the weight of her own power. Or anything that has happened to her in her lifetime."

"She...it makes sense. It makes sense that she's not ready for any of it yet. She was only free for a day before Beron took her and his son...she only had a day. And they hardly had her for long but they still managed to nearly kill her. And...it makes sense that she hasn't processed any of it. That she's not ready. It makes sense," Rhys rambled, and Azriel could hardly look at him.

"I know it does," he said, "but I think, if I hadn't been winnowed there with her, she wouldn't have made any attempts to leave. And I have no doubts that she'll go back there again. She's scared, Rhys. Of you, of this place—"

"Of everything but you," Rhys cut in, not accusatory or angry or bitter or fearful as he had been at the start of this, when he first saw Azriel and Astryn and panicked and caused this rift. "If you...if you think it would be beneficial to her recovery, take her away from this house—away from all of us here. The town house is yours for as long as you require...for as long as it takes for her to be ready to be around all of us. I'll tell the others to stay away and the two of you can have it to yourselves for as long as necessary. Or I could buy a new property if you don't think the town house would be suitable. Or there's the cabin or...whatever would be best. Anything I have or can buy. Anything."

Azriel felt a deep stab of pain. Whatever shreds of resentment he was still holding for the male sat before him vanished for at least the time being. Rhys was in pain, so much pain that it hurt Azriel to see.

"She doesn't hate you, brother," Azriel told him hesitantly, "she's scared and uncertain but she doesn't hate you."

"Fearing me isn't much better than hating me. It might actually be worse," Rhys muttered, voice so unsteady. "My own sister shouldn't fear me. I'd never harm her. Ever."

"She was born and raised to kill you, or give birth to a son who would. She was probably told lies about you, if they cared to try to make her believe in their cause. And even if they didn't poison her against you, this is all very jarring. It will take time. You're not the only one she fears and doesn't want to be around. Even Mor and Cassian set her on edge. I'm pretty sure Amren's general existence makes her almost cry. It's not just you. It's not about you. Give her time. I'll take her to the town house and try to help ease her into life. And I'll ask her to see you as soon as she's ready to. Just give her time, Rhys. She needs time. She deserves time."

"How much time do we have before we have to teach her to control her power so she doesn't hurt herself or anyone else by accident?" Rhys posed the question Azriel didn't want to let himself consider.

"Probably not much. But she can't train until she's ready to. There's no way to rush that healing process. We'll have to wait. But I'll make certain she's safe. The shadows will help. A few of them refuse to leave her even when I call them to myself. They'll help keep things at bay as much as possible to keep her safe. And if things get dangerous, I'll take her away from Velaris."

Azriel turned to leave then, to go back to Astryn, but Rhysand's voice stopped him.

"I'm glad it's you, Az," he said softly, voice thick with emotion, "I'm grateful it's you."