Shadows Whisper | | Azriel

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The bond couldn't necessarily be broken after they had accepted it, but the pull and slice at it was unbearable to Azriel. It was a physical pain as that single word slammed into him from a voice he didn't even really recognize.

Goodbye, she had said so simply, as if it was that easy, as if his soul didn't feel like it was being shredded.

She had been gone for hours already and he hadn't realized it until now and when she felt him finally notice, finally bother to realize she had walked away from him—

Goodbye.

He couldn't stop the sound that tore through him. It wasn't a sound any civilized creature would ever be capable of making.

Cassian came rushing in at that purely animal sound, sword drawn and eyes searching for an enemy to fight. He found none. He only found Azriel on his knees, eyes wide and glassy with tears as another one of those sounds tore from him. Astryn was nowhere to be seen—sniffing the air let Cassian realize her scent was so faint that she had to have been gone for hours now.

Azriel's head hung for word and his shoulders hunched and his entire body shook as he sobbed. Cassian wondered briefly if Astryn had found some way to reject the bond even after the acceptance of it, and if that rejection might result in Azriel dead on this floor from the agonizing heartache.

Cassian didn't have to ask if she had left on her own or she had been taken. There would have been a fight if someone had come for her, there would have been screaming. But instead there had only been silence, silence they both assumed meant she was still curled up in bed.

"She heard," Azriel muttered, hardly even having the breath to speak, "she heard what I thought and what I said to you—that she was broken."

Cassian's sympathy for Azriel vanished just like that. Astryn was sensitive and they both knew it. It didn't take much to shake her, to make her second guess herself. It wasn't her fault, not really. She hadn't ever been given room to grow any confidence in herself. She had been given a cell and chains and was barely beginning to learn and accept freedom. So, it was easy to shake her.

"If your mate ever returns to you," Cassian spoke lowly, hurt in his own voice as he felt the loss of a friend sting through his heart, "you should spend the rest of your life thanking her for it."

Cassian left him there on his knees, alone and shaking and in pain. He left him there and went to go attempt what he knew he had no chance of actually accomplishing. Astryn may not have control over her power yet, but the magic yielded to her enough that her tracks would be covered if that's what she wanted.

There was a small part of him that felt a hint of guilt at leaving Azriel, but he couldn't stay. He couldn't not search for his friend and beg and plead with her to come home. They hadn't gotten far in training. She had no real survival skills. If she went anywhere other than Velaris, she wouldn't last. She would end up dead, or worse. So, he had to find her. And if he couldn't do that, he had to face her brother—his own brother too, and his High Lord, and tell him that if they didn't act fast, he would lose another sister.

Cassian couldn't pick up even a hint of her scent when he left the house. He flew low in the sky, eyes taking in everything in hopes he might get lucky and spot her. There was no luck though.

Her power was something that rivaled Rhys's own, and he was the most powerful High Lord in Prythian's history. If she did not want to be found, she wouldn't be.

His mind drifted to only a few days ago, a few days that somehow felt like an entire lifetime.

"Thank you for coming for me," Astryn had told him as he held her in his arms.

"I always will," he had promised her.

It felt like a lie now, because he would not find her.

He didn't understand how things had gone so wrong. He didn't know how Azriel had let his fear of losing her drive him down this hole that she could feel only the anger from. She couldn't feel how terrified Azriel was of losing her. She could only feel the anger he hid behind, the bitterness he felt as he thought she had been broken.

He flew back to Azriel's house, finding him still on his knees. He knew he should have gone to Rhys instead, but he couldn't. Not even with all the hurt he felt for his friend who had to hear her own mate thing she was broken could Cassian abandon Azriel to face this pain alone.

He pulled Azriel to his feet and embraced him tightly. Azriel didn't have it in himself to return the gesture, arms hanging limply at his sides.

He felt empty. The bond was still there—little glimmers of it still living. But so much of it had just gone dormant at that one word from her, the dismissal of him. That pain that he deserved for thinking for even a moment that she was broken. He should have known how that would hurt her, how it would push her far away from him.

Cassian guided him to sit on the edge of the bed and he felt his misery swell up again.

"I didn't even mean it," he mumbled, his voice so empty, "I didn't mean it."

"I know you didn't," Cassian assured him, "and you will have the chance to tell her that. You'll have the chance to tell her that and apologize. She...maybe she's going back to Rhys, to the town house."

Cassian knew it wasn't true even as he said it, but it was the hope Azriel needed.

"You didn't mean to hurt her," Cassian said, "she'll know that. She knows you love her, Azriel. Just give her time to remind herself of that. She'll forgive you in time."

Azriel didn't say a word, but Cassian could feel his shame, his guilt and shame and self-loathing. There was nothing he could say to make any of that go away, especially not after his initial reaction, so he just stayed quiet instead and sat by Azriel's side.

•••

it's gonna get so much worse btw