Shadows Whisper | | Azriel

45

Astryn woke with Azriel's arms and wings both wrapped around her. She was entirely on top of him, head on his chest listening to the steady beating of his heart.

"You feeling okay?" Azriel asked softly, tucking her hair behind her ear.

"Mhm," she hummed before adding, "I didn't mean to sleep so late. I missed training with Cass."

"I'm sure he didn't expect you to show up today," Azriel replied, a hint of amusement in his tone, "you can get back to it tomorrow."

It was quiet for a few seconds before Astryn spoke again.

"Are you still mad at Cassian for yesterday?" she questioned hesitantly.

"I'd like to say no," Azriel said, choosing his words carefully, "but you could have gotten hurt."

"You shouldn't be mad at him," she muttered with a little pout, "yesterday was...it was the first normal day I've had in my entire life."

"You should have been safe for your first normal day," he responded, "you can't take drinks from strangers. Don't ever do that again, okay?"

"Okay," she agreed to it easily before shifting around to look at him. He took in a sharp breath when she brushed up against his wing and she looked alarmed. "Did that hurt?"

"No, no," he assured her quickly, "it didn't hurt."

"But—"

"It didn't hurt," he repeated, "I promise."

"Can I touch them?" she requested curiously, and he breathed heavily.

"You probably shouldn't," he advised, eyes clouded with something she couldn't identify.

"Why not?" she asked, staring with so much curiosity.

"They're sensitive," he explained simply, to which she frowned.

"I thought it didn't hurt," she mumbled, eyebrows furrowed.

"Different kind of sensitive," he told her, and watched the realization dawn on her.

"Do you not want me to?" she inquired, shifting around again so she was straddling his waist.

"I think you don't know what you're getting into," he said softly, staring up at her.

"I want to kiss you."

He swore his heart stopped for a few beats.

"Fuck," he muttered, closing his eyes for a moment. He half expected her to not be there when he opened them, to find that this was all just a dream. But she was still there, waiting.

In a blink, he had them flipped over, laying her gently on her back under him. He leaned down and pressed his lips to hers, soft and careful.

He groaned against her lips when she buried her fingers in his hair. He felt like he might actually fall apart when she moved her hands, down his neck, over his shoulders, and finally ghosting over his wings.

"Astryn," he murmured before his breath got caught in his throat when her fingers made contact with a certain part of his wings. "Fuck."

"Is that good?" she asked, and Azriel thought he might actually die.

"It's...fuck, you should stop. I don't—I don't think you know what you're getting into here," he told her, his voice strained as he shifted around so she couldn't feel him as she stroked his wings.

"I know about sex," she said, her face just the slightest bit red.

"I don't want you to do anything you'll regret," he replied, his voice soft despite the tense edge to it.

"I'd never regret being with you."

He leaned down and kissed her again at that, wondering if the kiss alone could show her how much those words meant to him. He pulled back after a few moments and eased her hands away from his wings.

"If you still feel that way some other time, we can talk about it. But you should think it through," he suggested gently before getting out of bed. "I'll be back."

He left the room and went into the bathroom and shut the door with a slam before shoving down his pants. He let out a quiet groan as he got a hand around himself. He made quick work of it so he could get back to her. Suddenly a bit mortified, he wondered if she might know what he ran off to do. Part of him doubted it, but she wasn't clueless about sex so there was a chance she could realize. The thought of her knowing had him a little red in the face in embarrassment. He really, really hoped she didn't realize.

He went back to the room, frowning when he found the bed empty. He found her quickly. She was in the kitchen, a plate of pancakes in front of her. He couldn't help but smile at the sight.

He sat next to her without a word and she slid the plate a little closer to him.

"Want some?" she offered, much quieter and more nervous than she had been before he left the bed. She only got more nervous when he only looked at her in shock at the offer. It hit him after a moment that he had refrained from telling her about accepting the mate bond.

"I didn't mention it before but...the mate bond," he stumbled over his words, "you giving me food is...it's an official acceptance of it."

"Do you not want me to accept it?" she asked, and he hated how hurt she sounded.

"No, no, that's not what I meant, I just—I want you to have a chance to have a life before you settle for me," he explained, which somehow only made her look more hurt.

"Why do you think it would be settling to be with you?"

He didn't have an answer, not one that wouldn't probably just hurt her more.

"I want you to know you have choices," he told her instead of listing out the million reasons he didn't think he wouldn't ever be good enough for her.

"My choice is you," she said, her voice so soft.

"You haven't had a chance to see any other option," he pointed out, "I don't want you to choose me and then regret it when you see everything else there is. If you choose me, I want you to make that choice after you've had the chance to see what else is out there."

"I already know I want you," she insisted, to which he let out a quiet sigh.

"Just take some time, okay? We have no need to rush things. I'll wait as long as it takes for you to have time to explore life and make a decision."

She was tempted to argue the point further, but she knew he wouldn't listen. She wished he could see himself the way she saw him.