Shadows Whisper | | Azriel

36

Astryn felt out of place at the table with everyone. She stuck close to Azriel, staying quiet and mostly just watching and listening to everything going on around her.

It was odd seeing the dynamic between everyone. Astryn hadn't ever had a family, but she thought this was what one looked like. There were smiles and laughter and she felt so, so terribly out of place.

Azriel kept glancing at her, his worry for her filtering down the bond. He reached out under the table to hold her hand, but she pulled away awkwardly.

"You should eat," Azriel said softly, trying to ignore the sting of rejection at her pulling her hand away from his. "The meat is beef, the yellow stuff is corn, and mashed potatoes again."

She was glad to have an explanation for what the food was, but she honestly would have preferred not to know. She could feel the way everyone looked at her. It only lasted for a split second, but she was still so aware of it. And she was embarrassed. It wasn't her own fault that she didn't know what anything was but it was still humiliating.

"I'm not hungry," she mumbled to Azriel, "I'd like to just go to bed if that's okay?"

"You don't have to ask permission," he assured her, "we can go."

"I'd prefer to go alone," she dismissed, not having it in herself to meet his eyes.

She trusted Azriel. She liked him and she trusted him but seeing him here among these people—among his family, she didn't think she could ever really be deserving of him. She couldn't be enough, because she couldn't fit into this life. She couldn't even begin to see where she would belong in this family. She had no place in it, and maybe that meant she didn't really have a place with him either.

She could feel everyone's eyes burning into her back as she walked away.

"Is she okay?" Mor asked once her cousin was out of sight.

"This is...this sort of environment is very new to her," Azriel answered, trying hard not to look and sound as concerned as he really was. "It will take some time to adjust."

"It took a while too when you first came around when we were kids," Cassian spoke up, hoping the reminder would be some comfort. "She'll be comfortable with everyone eventually."

Rhys stayed quiet, mind flashing back to the way Azriel was all those years ago. It was an odd time. Rhys and Cassian weren't friends quite yet, but they had come to accept each other's presence in their shared household. Azriel's arrival had shaken things slightly. He was so deathly quiet more often than not. He hardly talked to anyone, a far cry from the snarky back and forth Rhys and Cassian had grown used to between themselves or the loud arrogance of most of the boys in the camp. Azriel was quiet and subdued and didn't seem to have any clue as to how he was supposed to behave. It took a long time for the young shadowsinger to adjust, and he was still just a kid back then. Astryn was still young, but older than Azriel had been. Rhys felt pain thinking about how long it might take his sister to adjust to this life, to freedom.

"I'm going to take her dinner to her room," Rhys announced as he stood up suddenly, "she still needs to eat even if she's not comfortable sitting with all of us."

He rounded the table and grabbed her plate and glass of water before he went off in the direction she had gone. Azriel resisted the urge to follow, to go after him and make sure Astryn didn't react too badly to his presence. He forced himself to stay seated, reminding himself that he had to give her the space to get to know her brother.

Rhys stopped outside of Astryn's door and took a few deep breaths before he knocked. She called out for him to come in, and he did after another deep breath.

"I brought you your dinner so you could eat in private," he said awkwardly as he stood just inside the doorway, "I thought you might prefer that. I th—" he cut himself off, noticing the tears on her face. "Astryn...are you—are you okay?"

"I'm fine," she lied, quickly wiping at her tears, "I'm fine."

"It's okay if you're not," he told her, taking a hesitant, cautious step further into the room, "I know this isn't an easy adjustment."

"I don't understand how those people wanted you dead," Astryn confessed, "seeing you at that table with your family, I just...I can't understand how anyone could want someone with so much love in their heart to die."

Rhys swallowed back the urge to cry right alongside her, forcing his voice to remain steady as he spoke, "most people don't see that side of me. I maintain a certain...harsher image to protect the people I love."

"How do you love them so much? I don't know...I've never loved anyone before. I never had anyone I could love. I don't understand how you just have a family like that. I don't know how you love people," she told him, sounding so horribly sad. Rhys hated the thought of it. She never had anyone she could love. He had his mom, and then his sister and then he had everyone he has now and he had always had some form of love in his heart. That was never denied to him like it was to her.

"I wish it was something I could explain to you," he spoke softly, "but when you...when you begin to heal and open yourself up and accept that you're a part of this family now, you'll have that love too. I promise you."