Shadows Whisper | | Azriel

74

Astryn slept for almost a full four days before her mind had calmed enough that she could safely wake. It took her all of two seconds to realize where she was when she awoke, and she wondered if that horrid day could have just been a terrible nightmare because now she was back in this lovely, peaceful escape.

Faintly, she could hear Azriel and Cassian's voices from somewhere in the backyard. She smiled faintly, though she did find herself a little surprised that Azriel had allowed Cassian here. She was glad he did.

She climbed out of bed and quietly made her way to the backyard. Azriel and Cassian both perked up at the scent of her approaching, already hurrying across to meet her halfway. They were at the door by the time she made it there, and Azriel wrapped his arms around her tightly.

"I missed you," he muttered before pressing a kiss to the top of her head and releasing her from his arms.

She looked at Cassian now, searching for any sign that the head wound she had left him with resulted in any real damage.

"I'm okay," Cassian assured her as if he somehow knew exactly what she was thinking. "And you didn't hurt anyone. The city shook but nothing was actually damaged."

"The house—" she started, only to be cut off.

"Was the only thing that sustained any damage and has likely already been prepared. Everything else wasn't even touched," Azriel told her, "you didn't hurt anyone."

She took in a shaking breath but nodded, allowing Azriel to wrap his arm around her and tuck her against his side.

"Are you hungry? Thirsty?" he questioned gently. "You've been out a few days now. You should eat, and have some water."

"Mother hen," Cassian mumbled teasingly, earning a look of death from Azriel.

Azriel guided Astryn inside and Cassian trailed in after them. Azriel sat Astryn at the kitchen table and Cassian plopped down into a chair beside hers, slinging an arm over her shoulders. She scooted her chair closer to his and rested her head on his shoulder. Azriel sent Cassian a subtle look—not one of warning at that touching as the General had expected, but one of gratefulness. Cassian wondered if Azriel worried Astryn might float away if she didn't have some touch anchoring her to this place.

Azriel set a glass of water down on the table in front of Astryn before he got to cooking. Cassian grinned when he realized Azriel was making pancakes.

"I think that means he wants to have sex with you," Cassian whispered conspiratorially, eyes dancing with mischief. Astryn blushed and took a long sip of water, her eyes fixed on her mate as he mixed together ingredients.

"How many days was I asleep for?" Astryn asked suddenly, realizing she truly had no idea.

"Four," Azriel answered quietly, "Rhys had to make you sleep to stop the shaking. He said you would wake when your mind calmed."

"I feel different," she confessed quietly, leaning against Cassian a bit more. "It's not quite so...loud anymore."

"The heaviness of the power eases when you let it out," Cassian explained, "it's why Rhys uses his power for so many things. Letting it out bit by bit like that instead of keeping it all caged on allows it to breathe so it doesn't overwhelm you."

"Rhys will teach you how to manage letting out bits at a time when we go back," Azriel told her, his voice taking on a much more stiff tone than it usually held when he spoke to her. "You can't put off that training any longer. You need to let Rhys teach you how to control it. You could have hurt yourself."

Astryn shifted even closer to Cassian, but he was stiff against her.

She knew she would have to train with Rhys eventually, but she didn't want to. Training meant accepting that this power was a forever thing. Her mind drifted back to that brief moment she had vanished and gone back to that cave. She took the remains of the faebane chains and stashed them away where she could easily access them. Those chains were broken though, they had hardly anything left to dull her.

"Why can't I just...isn't there any way to get that stuff? Faebane. It can make it all go away," she reasoned, "it would be easier if it just went away."

"It's not going away," Azriel said, an edge to his voice. "I told you before, faebane doesn't make it truly go away. Nothing does."

"But I don't want it," she mumbled, words unsteady, "I don't want it."

The memory of Cassian throwing his body over hers to protect her as she caved in the roof over them sent a chill of dread down her spine.

"It's not going away," Azriel reminded her of what she already knew, "you have to accept that. We can't have a repeat of what happened. You could have died. You could have...you could have died."

For a moment, Astryn wondered if it might have been better for everyone if she had died and her power couldn't be a threat. Azriel went stiff, and Astryn realized that the bond let him hear that thought.

"Don't you dare," Azriel growled, his eyes shining with fear, "don't you ever think like that."

"I could have wrecked the entire city," she pointed out, "I could have wrecked the city and I could have killed everyone—"

"Which is why you need to train," he insisted, raising voice slightly, "it's not going away. Ever. You need to learn to manage it."

"Azriel," Cassian warned quietly, his arm tightening around Astryn's shoulders, "can down."

Azriel took in a shaking breath but nodded.

"When we go back, you have to let Rhys train you. What you did before can't happen again," he told her, speaking much more calmly now. "You need to learn to control yourself. I won't lose you to yourself. That's not happening."

"I put the whole city in danger," she muttered, voice so full of shame. "I could have killed everyone in Velaris. I almost...I almost killed Cassian."

"Hey," Cassian spoke softly, "I'm okay. It was just a little head bump. I'm perfectly fine."

"We can stay here for a few days," Azriel chimed in again, "and then we're going back to the House of Wind and you're going to train with Rhys."

"Az, come on," Cassian said, "relax."

Astryn only stared at Azriel, her eyes sad. After a moment, she pulled away from Cassian. She stood and quietly made her way down the hall back to the bedroom. She curled up in bed and focused on her breathing, on trying to calm down.

Azriel didn't follow after her.

Cassian was the one to get up and go after her when he realized Azriel had no intentions of doing so. Cassian found Astryn where she had curled up in bed, finding himself unsettled by the way the air seemed to vibrate. Maybe she hadn't settled as much as they thought she had.

"Ryn," Cassian said quietly, "he's just worried about you. He wants you to be safe."

"I don't want to go back," she mumbled, "it's better here. I don't want to go back and deal with...this."

"I know it's scary," Cassian told her, "but you can't hide from this forever. You'll feel better once you can control it."