A Love So Absolutely Clear {Crowen} ✔️

07: running back full circle

"remember what i told you. no playing rough during recess and eat all of your food." they were in the car, and it was one of novella's final days of school. the last few weeks she had been doing chemo, half of her hair had fallen out of her head, and she was losing almost all her energy and appetite. every time she would take just one bite of food, she would throw it up leaving her stomach empty once again.

cristina and owen had heard no news from her oncologist. they were too afraid to know whether or not the cancer cells spread to somewhere else in her body.

in the house, happy moments were rare, and cristina and owen did not know what to do.

"okay." novella unbuckled her seatbelt and went to open the door so she could get to her school. she got out of the car, closed the door, and stood next to the window where her parents could see her. owen rolled the window down.

"we love you. see you later, okay? have a good day." novella smiled and waved her hand at her parents to signal for goodbye.

"bye, guys." they blew kisses to which she responded by blowing some back to them. when that was over, she turned around and started walking to the school, and owen began to drive away so that both he and cristina could head to work.

"looks like she's doing okay, right?" cristina mumbled, straining her head so that she could see the figure of her daughter still walking to the building getting smaller as they went further down the road. "the chemo's really getting to her, so i think that's a good sign."

owen continued to drive, his eyes focusing on the road. "i think so too. let's not make any predictions. what if we're wrong?" she turned her head to look at him, her face solemn but illegible.

after a while of just looking at him in the face, she began to speak, her head turned back to the road. "so first, it's 'let's be optimistic', and now it's also, 'let's not make any assumptions'. make up your mind." he turned his head to look at her, his mouth dropped. she was upset with him and he could tell.

"what? i'm sorry, i just don't want you to get upset if—"

"if the cells keep dividing?" she almost yelled, unable to control herself. she didn't know what she felt; if she felt sad, or mad, or a mixture of both. she didn't know if it was the hormones or the actual situation the world decided to hold against them. maybe it was also both.

"i know the chances her cancer cells growing back and conquering another area of her body before another round of chemo. i'm not stupid. i never thought this was gonna be easy for any of us." she was sick and tired of owen staying safe as if they didn't know what was going to happen to their child next. of course they didn't know exactly what was going to happen, but symptomatically, most good doctors would know. and both were well aware that novella was not doing as great as they wanted her to be.

"i just think we should be parents and not doctors, right now, cristina. it's unhealthy to be knowing every single thing about her condition." he argued, his tone just as angry and as loud as hers.

"unhealthy for you." she retorted, her eyes glaring right back at him with eyes he was accustomed to seeing whenever she was extremely angry with someone. "not for her."

her voice deepened and her words were crystal clear. she was confident in her opinion, and she was going to do everything in her power to defy his.

"if you want to do what's healthy for you, then that's your decision. but i am trying my very best to do what's healthy for her, right now. she is sick and she needs help. our health does not matter nearly as much as hers does."

"you're pregnant, cristina! it's not just you i'm worried about! you can't put all your attention on novella just because she's sick!" he fumed, taking his eyes away from the road for just a few seconds, emphasizing his point to her. "you need to take care of yourself, or else sooner or later, something is going to happen to you."