A Love So Absolutely Clear {Crowen} ✔️

32: she's gone

she didn't know where she was going at first, but then immediately she knew. she didn't bother taking the elevator this time around, so instead she took the flight of stairs to get down to where she wanted to be.

this could've been the end. if not, it was really really soon.

the small hospital room suffocated her. there was no air, and she needed space to breathe. owen was crying, novella was dying, and she just wanted to get away for one moment.

but she also needed to get her anger and frustration out as well, and so she stomped her way over to doctor patel's office, with no signs of melancholy on her face except for her slightly messy hair.

she didn't bother knocking and let herself in immediately, causing the man she was looking for to look up from his spot. before he did so, she saw that he was writing something down in his notepad frantically.

cristina closed the door shut behind her, her eyebrows crossed and one hand on her hip.

"you need to try again." she said angrily, not even sitting down in a chair in front of his desk. he looked liked he was about to say something, although he was cut off.

"you only did a few scans, the only thing you did was monitor her stats, you barely scratched the surface, and now you say she's practically dead."

she didn't have time to cry. time was ticking, and there wasn't anything she could've done to stop it. if there was, she and owen would've already stopped it.

her hand moved up to her forehead. too many things were going on in her head at once, it seemed like it was going to explode. so many emotions. not a single one could she could truly express. so many words to say. not enough time to say them all.

when the hand from her forehead fell back down to her side, she began to speak once more.

"listen, i don't know what the hell you're doing right now, but my husband can't even stop crying to save his life, i'm losing my mind, novella's dying, and no one is willing to spend a single cent on it."

"doctor yang—" but she interrupted him once again.

"yes. i am a doctor. a surgeon, even." she laughed ridiculously. "i haven't been able to help for months and now she's gonna die! she's gonna die, and i'm blaming you."

the words 'she's gonna die' hit her in the head and now she felt as if she couldn't stand. though she didn't have time to cry, tears of realization fell out from her eyes anyway. she couldn't keep a straight face anymore, and she didn't care. she couldn't see the future before, but now she could. and the future said that her daughter was going to die.

she turned her back toward him, trying to calm herself down before she could show him herself. tears were running so effortlessly down her face. wiping them away would only form new ones in replacement.

so instead, she gave up. he could hear her sobs, and she didn't even try to hide them. her hands were put over her face, her sniffles were loud and constant.

her daughter, her sweet little girl who gave her everything she never knew she wanted, was going to die. there was no saying otherwise.

"cristina." he said, because it was unfair to call her a doctor. doctor patel stood up from his spot slowly and stood by her, still crying into her hands.

"i need to show you something."

...

meanwhile, owen rested his head on the side of novella's bed, too afraid to touch her for fear of damaging her even more. he'd only get to her hand that lie almost dead on the even deader cold white sheets. he played with it gingerly, and held it in his hand, wishing that even her finger would show any signs of movement. but wishes don't always come true.