A Love So Absolutely Clear {Crowen} ✔️

11: hanging on by a thread

a miscarriage. they were well aware of it the moment blood spread down her legs and advanced to the cold hard floor. but to hear the words escape from their doctor's mouth and out into the open made it feel a little more real. a little more scarier. a little more painful.

they had a miscarriage, and they couldn't get their baby back.

it must have been from the stress. from all the arguments she and owen had. from the life she was hiding from. and from the fear she carried on her back the moment she was told her little girl had cancer.

it was so ironic. after the first trimester they thought they were in the clear. they planned to tell their family and friends about the chapter of their life that would soon open up. they planned to buy baby clothes and diapers and decide on a cute little name. but they were wrong. and they were left broken.

why would their happiness exist if sadness would wash it all away in less than a second?

cristina was put into a hospital bed, while owen and novella sat and waited beside her. it had been a few hours after the incident, and a D&C was done on her once the bleeding had stopped and once she wasn't in as much pain.

their friends tried to come in and visit, but owen knew cristina would be uncomfortable with that, and so did everyone else. they didn't even tell anybody about the baby except for meredith.

they tried to explain to novella what was going on, but she didn't really understand. when she did, she burst into tears, and cristina and owen did too.

"you know how mom was carrying your little brother or sister for a little bit?" owen carefully said to novella, whose hand was still stroking her mother's belly. she wanted her new sibling to be okay.

she nodded her head. she knew something was wrong. she just didn't know what.

"after you and i went to the pool, your dad and i were talking and i felt something happen to the baby." cristina spoke up, grabbing onto novella's hand and squeezing it. she was too scared to see her daughter's heart break again after everything she was going through. "so we went to the hospital and the baby...it died inside of my belly."

now they couldn't do it. they couldn't see the light in novella's eyes disappear after they faded before. they were extremely lucky to see that same light after all that was happening to her, anyway.

they watched as her soft eyes ran cold, and her pale skin drain of color, now even paler than before. they couldn't do anything now. the damage had already been done.

she bit her little lip, and removed her hand from her mother's stomach, unknowing of anything to do but to sit there and stare. cristina and owen looked at each other then looked away. they knew that at any minute, novella would begin to cry.

"but...how did it die?" she whispered, and her eyes became glassy. "i-i thought that the baby could only die if mom dies too."

owen's brows creased together and he tilted his head to the ceiling so his tears would subside.

"sweetheart," he began, after his head moved back down to look at his daughter. "mom was stressed and she was sad because of what was happening to you. sometimes the baby can't handle all the stress and so..." he paused, fearful of what would happen when she'd finally understand. she was already very sick. he watched as she watched him. every move he made and every word he said. she was counting on him to tell her. "so sometimes...they don't make it." he finally said, wanting to look away from her next expression.

both watched her face, as her head tilted down to the ground and her teeth once again bit into her lip. once she looked up, they saw the tears in her eyes slip out and down to the ground. without wiping it off, she whispered,