A Love So Absolutely Clear {Crowen} ✔️

12: closure

weeks pass. things seem to be getting worse, but no one listens and no one wants to believe it. the only thing they thought was only okay to do was to continue as if nothing ever happened. like their lives weren't wrecked from life itself. but even that felt wrong.

the envelope containing their D&C was waiting by the table for over a week. no one touched it. and no one really wanted to. life as they lived it was scary and they couldn't trust a single second of it.

it affected their work, their family, their happiness, their entire being. cristina could barely hold a scalpel still in her hand, nor could she even walk through the hospital doors without feeling as if there was no point. owen was aware someone had to get it together, but he didn't want to. he couldn't even if he tried. and novella was only getting worse. week after week of chemotherapy was hard for a little girl, and week after week, it was starting to show. what scared them the most was that novella was getting tired of it too. one time she'd ask how much longer was left, and they couldn't give her a decent answer. the truth was they didn't know.

they were having an existential crisis. all of them. and if all of them were, then who would be the one to say that everything was going to be okay? how could they ever say it when none of them even believed it?

there was a knock on the door.

no one answered.

someone knocked again.

again, nobody answered.

they heard the fiddling of keys, the turning of a knob, then an opening of a door.

if someone looked up, they would have spotted meredith. but no one did. not even cristina's mother.

"cristina!" came a voice that sounded like meredith's. she closed the door and came further into the house. the room was dark and seemed as if it weren't touched for years. it was messy, but smelled of candle wax and laundry. she heard of no noise. no sounds of life. but owen's truck and cristina's car was out in the driveway, and they had been staying home for days.

"cristina?" she repeated, walking further and found herself over in their kitchen. looking to her left, she sighed, as she saw her and novella sat down at their table, cristina with uneaten cereal and novella with an uneaten smoothie bowl.

she set her bag down on the ground, feeling pity from what she was witnessing. she had never seen her best friend so torn apart and her life so broken and destroyed.

"there you are. i was knocking on the door but i had to let myself in using the spare key." she was given no response, and neither cristina nor her child lifted their chin to look at meredith in the eyes. so she felt like she had to continue. "are you guys okay? nov, you wanna tell me how you feel?" but novella only responded by raising the spoon from the bowl and putting it in her mouth temporarily. meredith only sighed again, then looked around the room as if looking for something.

"cris, you've been gone from work for a week. this is unexpected of you. i know you're upset over the miscarriage and that's okay, but i'm really worried, here. you've been ignoring my texts and calls and everything." cristina shifted her head. her eyes staring at meredith's but her lips did not part. there were no signs showing of saying any words.

her demeanor was aggravated yet hurt, and she couldn't help but personify it in her expression because that's what she was. like she was attached to strings that would control her every move and expression because she couldn't control her own.