I'm scared
Scared that one day you'll decide I'm too old to be loved
That I'm too expensive to be cared for
That I'm too rotted to be watered
That you'll decide I'm no longer worthy
I'm doing my best
The medication seems rough for you
Walk a mile in my old torn shoes
Imagine how it must feel to be the one that takes it
Imagine being told that you're not going to make it
That without it you'll die but it may also take your life
Imagine knowing you won't survive despite how hard you've fought
Imagine how it must feel, to have been running your whole life, and being told you have to run forever
I'm scared you'll decide that I'm already too far gone
That the medication won't keep me alive forever
That the surgeries will be your breaking point
A point where you look me dead in the eyes
And admit you've been ashamed of me the whole time
I've been hiding in the dark from the stone cold truth
I don't want to see what I've become
Because what I am is what I'm not
I've been running from monsters and that look in your eyes
I already feel dead
And I've been told I will die again
I will be dead my whole life
Just a beating heart in a withering corpse
If I were born whole
If my lungs took bigger breaths
If my back could stand straight
Would you all have loved me more
I don't believe I've ever seen your eyes before
Because no mother would look at their son like that
Like you wish he never existed
Like you wish you never knew my name.
