I'm an alcoholic
Not the kind you think of, the kind that lost everything to liquor
Not the kind where they don't work or eat because all they are is drunk on the side of the road
But the kind where I crave it but only when I want to talk
No words will come out of me when the thoughts run wild and wish to be spilt out
When people are right in front of me and I have no will to speak
When they're looking in my eyes and I want to scream but can't say anything
When all I want is a hug and a "you'll be okay"
I want that, I need that, it's all I want
Reassurance for the madness in the silence
What really happens behind my concrete walls
What happens when I'm alone just long enough to see red spill on the floor
I just want to look someone in the eyes and tell them every thought I've ever had
But I slowly realize now that I'm a stranger to everyone
They don't know a single thing about me
They know the small, minuscule shit that barely effects me in any way
But not the parts of me that keep me up at night
I could not be all alone in this world
But I can't handle rejection
I've never received a reaction I needed
A brush off and a you'll be fine isn't what I want
I don't want to be so alone in this world
I only talk when too far gone to think
