Broken Hearts

{1} - The Vow Of Revenge

14 Years Ago

Every story starts with a title.

And every character is given a name.

But my story started before I even got to choose it's narration. It was always chosen for me. I was the puppet and never the puppeteer. I was controlled, never the controller. I never got choices, I was simply the one people made choices for.

But I never realised until now.

My eyes are teary and there is a tightening in my chest that I have never felt before. I can't remove my gaze from my hands as I try to scrub away the red. The flashing of the white tiles try to shine through my eyes but it doesn't work because I only see red.

Red, Red, Red.

I feel the way my throat pulses and my heart stutters, I want to scream so loudly; but nothing comes out. It's like my screams have turned into whispers.

I refuse to believe what I had just done and thinking over it makes me want to glide the knife across my throat instead. It seems like the aftermath of my actions hurt more than what I actually did.

Flashes of mama's face come into my mind which only makes me scrub harder. My tears fall down my cheeks and combine with the tap water before gliding it's way down the drain. I don't even know if my hands are red from all the scrubbing or from the blood.

Blood.

The smell of the crimson red liquid intoxicates my nostrils and makes me want to puke. Looking at the clear water falling from the tap, my brain tricks me into thinking it's red. Red like the blood I had on my hands.

The water suddenly feels like acid and my brain tells me that the water is burning me, but I only scrub harder because this pain feels so much better than the pain of rethinking my thoughts and actions.

A sob is stuck in my throat and no matter how hard I try to push it out, it stays stuck. My stomach pulls itself in, attempting to somehow calm myself but at the moment; nothing is working. I accidentally glance up at the mirror and see myself. We always had the same eyes and I took pride in it.

But in my eyes, I now see a lifeless soul.

A broken, tortured, hurt soul.

"Orod, qorraxdayda." The words echo in my ear and I am not entirely sure if mama truly meant them. But I know I would always believe her words more than any other human out there.

My hands shake from fear and my legs feel like they will give out at any second. Goosebumps are formed all over my skin despite the burning water that engulfs my hands. My gut is sending me warning signals, something bad is going to happen; I can feel it.

A small choked gasp leaves my mouth, it almost feels like I'm dying. But I know that's not it because I now know what dying truly is. I shut the water tap off and rub my palms on the white sleeping gown I wear. The white that expressed my pureness has now been cursed because the gown is now stained with blobs of red everywhere.

I turn towards the door and decide to listen to mama's last words, she was warning me. I look at the white wooden door, engraved with gold markings all over the edges. I've never been more scared of a door before, it almost seems like the door is challenging me.

Like it's daring me to take the step out.

But before I even have a chance to process it, a loud bang on the door makes my whole body jump in fear. My heart stops for just a second and all the blood drains from my face. I hear a gruff from the other side of the door and I don't even need to think twice before I know who it is.