Don't Say You Love Me

Chapter THREE

Teegan

The little kids go to bed at 8P.M. that evening and when my mom comes back downstairs after tucking them in, she strolls into the kitchen where I'm sitting, drinking coffee. Her hair is down again and she's wearing jeans and a t-shirt. So different from when we had people here for the cookout. Then, she was wearing a long, floral print dress with her hair in a bun. Now she looks more normal. Comfortable.

"Teegan, honey. We haven't really gotten to talk, have we?" she asks right way, pouring herself a coffee.

I sip mine and shrug. "It's okay."

"Oh, no, it's not. We have so much to talk about."

"We do?" I ask her.

"Yes. I want this summer to be different. For you."

Different from what? I feel like asking her. From the one week a year she usually sees me? Most of that week I spend hanging out with her kids, and her and I barely spend any time together.

"Okay," I say anyway. 'Not worth the fight' is my new mantra.

"You know how I took over the paddle boat rental business last summer?" she asks, which isn't what I was expecting her to say next.

I knew about this. Last summer it was all she was talking about. Francis was helping her get it all ready to open. The paddle boat rentals were owned by an older couple for the last forty years but last summer they posted a sign that they were retiring. My mom thought it would be a good project for her. Running a business at the pier? I thought she was crazy.

"Yeah," I answer, wrapping my hands around the blue mug in front of me.

"We've expanded and its really going well. We have some local teenagers who usually work down there but we have the Friday shift open. I usually work it, but-"

"You want me to work all summer?" I interrupt her, suddenly feeling annoyed.

"No. Absolutely not. If you want to, though the Friday shift is yours. You can meet people. Talk to the locals and the tourists. Make some money," she tells me. She thinks this is not a big deal.

"What about babysitting?" I ask, then bring my mug to my lips again.

"Oh, the kids go to daycare a couple days a week now. We were thinking you could hang out with them once a week, if you were up to it? No pressure, of course. I'm usually at the rental shop on Saturdays-"

So, she's got this all planned out for me. She wanted me to come here this summer to work for her and help with her kids, once again. This time I'm here long enough to really help her out.

"Okay, whatever," I say, just so she stops talking.

"Don't be angry, Teegan. I really do want this to be a good summer for you. Who knows when we'll see you after this," she goes on.

I look up to meet her eyes. They are dark, almost black, like my own. We are so similar looking, it's creepy. "I'm not going to drop off the planet. I'm going to college."

She smiles and pats my hand from across the table. "I know. But I'm really glad you're here. New York is very far away."

She doesn't know how she made me feel, when I was a kid, and all the years that followed. She thought a couple calls a year and a week in the summer was enough. I acted like it was. And my life in Seattle with my dad was good. I never told her that she made me feel unwanted. A girl needs her mom, and I sure did a lot of the time, but I never wanted her to feel bad about leaving me. Now, I have a sneaky suspicion she's figured it out and now she thinks she can fix it - fix us, this summer. I feel like she's mistaken.