Don't Say You Love Me

Chapter THIRTY TWO

Cohen

Teegan is in my bed, wearing one of my band shirts, her shorts open. I'm ninety-nine percent naked, literally only going out of bed to retrieve a condom so we can have sex. My heart is still pounding because while I've thought about having sex with her numerous times over the last few weeks, I didn't think it would be so soon.

  She slept over last night and having her in my arms was the best. I slept like a baby. She woke me up by giving me a hand job and it escalated quickly. It feels like a dream.

  But her dad is calling. And she's about to answer it.

    "Hey, Dad." She pauses, to listen. "Oh, okay. Yeah. I mean, I guess that's fine. If that's all there was available." She pauses again. "I know that. Yes." Her voice is quiet but it's cracking and I can tell she's sad, immediately. "Yeah. Okay, thanks, you too."

  When her phone drops to my bed, she looks away. She doesn't look at me or meet my eyes, she intentionally looks the other direction. I scamper back into my bed and pull her into my arms, knowing. She's already in tears before I can get her close. Shit.

    "Teegan, what's wrong?" I ask her, because I can't stand that she's upset.

  She tucks her head down so it's laying on my chest and takes a deep breath. "I'm fine. Sorry. My dad was just..."

  I want her to tell me, but I also don't. It probably has to do with her leaving Avila Beach and I don't want to hear those words. Not today. I don't care about sex or anything like that right now, I just want her to be happy.

  I just hold her close to me for the next hour. We don't really move or talk or anything, and when he gets up and goes to the bathroom, I get up and get dressed.

  She doesn't have to pick up the kids until 3P.M. and it still early, but when she comes back to my bedroom and looks at me, I just know our day is not going to go how I pictured it.

  "I shouldn't have answered that call," she says, sitting back down on my bed.

  "Oh, Teegan, it's fine," I say quickly.

  "No. We were... ugh, I feel stupid."

  I'm at her side as fast as possible and pull her into my arms. "Don't say that. We have time for that. I can wait."

  She ends up laughing slightly and looking up at me. "You sure?"

  "It's been... four months. I can wait." I kiss her head and squeeze her against my body.

  "You want to come back to my house for a bit?" she asks, and it surprises me.

  Firstly, she called it her house. She's always only called it her mom's house. Second, she's inviting me there? This is big. She must see my surprise, because she goes on.

  "If you don't want to, that's fine."

  "No, I do. Yeah. I just need a coffee first," I tell her.

  "That sounds amazing," she finishes.

  Downstairs, I start the coffee maker while she sits at the tiny table against the wall. Her hair is down and around her shoulders and I keep my eyes on her as we sit and drink our coffees for the next few minutes. I know we're only eighteen. We're practically still kids. But it doesn't feel like that. I've been on my own for almost a month and I think I'm doing alright. She's living with her mom for now but she'll be off on her own soon, having to take care of herself. Shit. When the thoughts of her leaving Avila enter my mind, it makes me want to punch a hole in the wall. Sitting here in the quiet kitchen of my favourite place with her feels so right, so special. I know it's all going to fall apart soon enough. But I need this for now.