Don't Say You Love Me

Chapter FORTY TWO

Teegan

The Pines is a sit down restaurant a bit further down the main strip, past the pier. My summer in Avila Beach is damn near over and this is my first time here. It's pretty busy when we walk in, Cohen's hand in mine, and the hostess nods and brings us over to a table in the corner. There's a vase of flowers and a candle lit on the table. We sit across from each other and he reaches for my hand right away, as if he can't bear to be not physically touching me.

"I'm starving," I tell him, glancing at the menu.

    "The pizza is really good. And the fish and chips." He's not looking at me.

"Cohen," I say just to get his attention. He glances up and gives me a smile. "We don't have to pretend this is some normal date."

He squeezes my hand and his smile fades. "I never really got to take you on real dates, Teegan."

"That's fine. I didn't need real dates."

    "But, I..." he lets his voice trail off as our server approaches the table.

"Good evening. Are we celebrating something tonight?" He's tall and thick smiling from ear to ear.

I look at Cohen who's just staring at the server. Neither is us know what to say. We aren't celebrating. We're trying to pretend this isn't our last real night together.

"Just a date night," Cohen finally says.

    "Oh, great. Well, can I get you drinks to start ?" the server, Tom, asks.

  "I'll have a lemonade," I say plainly.

    "Coke, please," Cohen adds.

The servers nods and says he'll be back soon with those and then turns and walks off. I am staring at Cohen but he's avoiding my eyes. His hair is messy and he's literally the most gorgeous guy I've ever seen, even though he looks miserable at this moment.

"Stop looking so sad," I I tell him, but smile.

    "I... sorry."

"Do you want to just go? We could walk on the beach and just-"

    "No. I want to do this, our last date." He doesn't just look sad, he sounds sad.

    "Last? Don't say that." I shake my head. "Co."

    "What? Is it, right? You're leaving in three days. Then you'll be three thousand miles away, and I'll be alone."

    "Cohen." I reach over and squeeze his hand. When he looks up his eyes are filled with tears. My heart is beating too fast. Why did this have to happen?  "It's just a plane ride away. You can come see me on weekends, and I can come back to California for my breaks-"

    "We haven't talked about this at all, Teegan. We've been avoiding this conversation for two weeks because we both know that saying that doesn't mean it will happen." He is talking quietly but his voice is full of emotions. Any second now he could be crying and I don't know what I'd do.

I swallow hard and look down at my hands. The server comes and drops off our drinks and takes our orders. Minutes go by and I don't know what to say to him. He doesn't think we'll stay together? He is already trying to get out of this. I had been assuming this whole time that we were at least going to try.

    "You don't want to do long distance," I accuse him sharply. It's not a question.

    "I don't know. We haven't discussed it. We have no idea what it will be like." He isn't looking at me. "You're leaving and we haven't even talked about any of this."