Don't Say You Love Me

Chapter THIRTEEN

Cohen

Well, now I know her name is Teegan, so she doesn't have to be mystery girl anymore. She works at the damn rental hut. And if nothing else, I'll get to see her for ten minutes on Fridays. I have no clue why that makes me feel happy, but it does. And I'll take what I can get when it comes to my happiness.

   I don't know what it is that makes me feels a little goofy when I see her. I forget how to form sentences. At first she just irritated me. Then I found out that she's Lola's step sister - I guess - which annoyed me even more. But I have so many questions. Why is she here? For how long? When did her mom marry Lola's dad? The problem is, she doesn't know that I know who she is. So I can't exactly ask her any of these questions.

    Before I leave work on Friday, I want to tell her about the party. I want to say Hey, there's this party. I might go. But I don't say a word about it. I might not go anyway.

   Rex is gone to Santa Barbara for the day with his mom and his little brother, so I walk home and make a sandwich and sit in the backyard, alone. I listen to the bird chirping and think about how my dad used to sit in the same spot and point out different birds to me. I stare at the old swing set in the corner of the yard that was there when we moved in. Margo used it a lot, then. Sitting out there by myself makes me think too much. And it makes me sad.

   I left my phone inside the house and an hour later when I go in - because my skin is feeling like it's burning - I have a handful of texts. Great.

   Got your number from Rex. How was your first solo shift?  from Luke.

   Hey Co. You've been gone almost 3 weeks and you haven't called. Miss u, from my sister, Margo.

   And then there's two picture messages from Rex. One is his aunt's dog, a massive German Shepard and one is a horse race track. The added message says I'm betting on Starlight.

   I type back a few quick texts but I really just want to ignore it all. I tell Luke it was good, and I don't mention Teegan. He answers again, telling me to drop by the hint tomorrow before noon cause my first pay cheque will be there. Sweet. Good news, finally.

   To my sister, I text back sorry, I've been busy. Which isn't true at all. I feel bad for leaving her there with our sad, grieving mom. She knows why I left though. She knows that I needed a change.

    To Rex, I send back a mind blown emoji and type Your mom took you to a race track to gamble?

   Truth is, I'm sad too. I have been almost constantly since March. I deal with it by running and listening to loud music and, now, drinking beer in my back yard with Rex. He doesn't drink but my neighbour is a forty year old single man who buys me a case of beer when I ask him to.
Before March, I was your regular seventeen year old. I had a girlfriend. I had a best friend. And I had my dad, who was supportive and awesome - God, I miss him.

   The rest of the night, I spend drinking two beers and watching a movie. I remember my mom's words about eating so I make sure I cook up some burgers, too. When it's dark out, I decide to go to bed early. I haven't gotten enough sleep lately and I'm thinking that I can catch up a bit.

   My phone rings when I'm changing into sweat pants and a t-shirt to sleep in and plop down onto my bed.

   "Hey," I answer, knowing it's Rex.