Friction [Book 2]

-a gig-

"Woah, calm down for a second! Ellianah! Breathe for fuck sake!"

That was it. I had finally broke. I was on the tiled bathroom floor of Patrick's spare room with Gabe screaming at me, trying to calm me down. I had smeared make up running down my face and my hands were shaking when I tried to reach for a towel.

It had finally hit me. I wasn't okay. I was never really okay. There was not a chance that I'd ever be okay again. I had a young son and I was pregnant with a baby whose father cheated on me but I still loved. I had an ex-boyfriend who I was growing to love again everyday and nothing anybody could say or do was going to sort out my mess of a life. I wanted it all to go away, I wanted to end everything but instead I just cried. I threw up, then cried some more.

Bodhi was the only ounce of sunshine that kept me going. His smile and laugh sparked something inside me that told me that he needed me. I couldn't abandon him, I never could. I couldn't leave him when I knew how it felt to have lost someone, three people who mattered most to me. I miss them every day and I know that I couldn't put Bodhi through the same thing. I wanted everything to be okay but I knew it wasn't going to be, I was a wreck.

"Come on, you need to go outside and get some fresh air..." Gabe helped me up slowly. My limbs were weak and as I balanced myself on my feet, I collapsed again, but Gabe caught me.

I spluttered out a cough and crumbled into a worthless mess into his chest. That's how I felt, worthless. I closed my eyes and Gabe carried me down the stairs and out into the garden. He lay me down on the soft grass. Immediately I felt the heat of the sun burning against my skin. It didn't make me squirm, it just reminded me that I was alive.

Gabe and I stayed out in the sun for hours. I fell asleep because I remember being woken up and the sun had set. I didn't know if Gabe had slept or not, but I knew he'd stayed with me all afternoon.

The four of us ate dinner outside whilst Declan attempted to teach Bodhi how to catch. I didn't speak much and nobody brought up the day's earlier events. It was a light conversation to which I half-heartedly chipped in to. Gabe left me to play football with the boys, holding up Bodhi by his hands so he could walk and softly kick the ball. I sat in silence with Patrick whilst Gabrielle went to get us some ice cream.

"Are you okay?"

"What?" I blurted out, feeling incredibly rude after, "Sorry, I was zoned out..."

"It's okay," Patrick nodded, "I asked if you were okay now."

I sighed. Patrick knew full well that I wasn't okay but I also knew that he would feel better if he asked.

"I'm...better than earlier. I've calmed down now. I just, I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm such a mess." I said, staring down at my lap.

"Hey, don't say that. Everything is going to work out just fine, I promise." Patrick smiled at me reassuringly and I knew he was right.

"Ryan called earlier but you were with Gabe. I said you were in the shower and you'd call back later. I didn't ask what he wanted but..." Patrick shrugged.

"Okay, I'll go call him now. Thanks Patrick." I smiled at him, giving him a small hug before heading back inside the house.

I picked up my phone and dialled Ryan's number. I was anxious because the phone rang for a very long time, making me wonder what was going on. He eventually picked up but his tone wasn't his normal, perky one.

"Hey Ell."

"Sorry I didn't call you back sooner, I got distracted about things and, yeah, sorry."

"It's okay, I just needed to tell you something."

It had been little over a week since I left Ryan's house which also means it had been little over a week since the scene with Pete. It was difficult for me to think about because it was so confusing for me.