blood and dreams

Breakdown

"Hey Henry, you okay?" Jasper asked as Henry stood with his head leaned against his locker.

"Yeah dude I'm fine" Henry replied. He had a pounding headache and was exhausted. Jasper could see that he wasn't actually fine. He looked at Henry with a worried expression, but didn't want to pry.

"Okay, if you say so. I'm here if you need me though"

The temporary relief of having told his secret to Jasper and Charlotte had worn off. Henry was now more concerned over the fact that they were gonna be constantly worried over him now. That was exactly what he didn't want to happen. Jasper never explicitly said when he was worried, but Henry could always see it on his face. Charlotte was better at hiding it, but Henry still knew.

He grabbed his stuff out of his locker and headed out the door. He headed to Junk-N-Stuff, walking extra slowly. He didn't really care if he was late or not, and he knew Ray wouldn't care either. By the time he got there Jasper was already working the counter. He figured Charlotte would be down in the man cave. He walked to the back room after giving Jasper a friendly nod and took the elevator down.

The second Henry stepped off the elevator, Ray knew something was wrong. He wanted to say something, but he's just not good at helping with people's emotions. It made him uncomfortable, even though he did care about Henry. A lot.

"Hey Henry! How's it going?" Ray asked him cheerfully, in hopes of brightening Henry's mood, or at least making him smile.

"Good." Henry replied shortly, his voice sounding monotone as he walked over to the couch and practically collapsed onto it. Ray knitted his eyebrows. Usually Henry had more enthusiasm and energy. Henry was quiet the rest of his shift. Charlotte gave him sympathetic looks every once and a while, which made Henry feel guilty. Every time Ray caught Charlotte looking at Henry like that, he grew more confused. He knew something was up. He tried to talk to Henry, telling him jokes and stories, but Henry never gave more than a one or two word response. Eventually, it was time for Henry to go back home. He headed for the elevator.

"Henry, wait." Ray called out, making Henry stop in his tracks. He turned around to face Ray.

"Call me if you need anything, okay?" Ray said.

"Yeah, I will, thanks man." Henry responded. Does he know??? Did Charlotte tell him?? Fuck, this is bad, Henry thought nervously as he backed into the elevator. He quickly pushed the button and gave an awkward smile to a now even more concerned Ray.

Henry got home relatively quickly. He just wanted to be in his room, away from everyone for a little while. He climbed through the window to avoid his parents and Piper, and sat down on his bed. He rolled his sleeve up and saw that everything was mostly healed from that night with Jasper. Henry was suddenly overcome with guilt. The people who do know about this are constantly upset and worried for me, and the people who don't I have to lie to every day, Henry thought. He couldn't keep hiding this forever, but he also couldn't tell anyone else. He started to feel sick with guilt. His head was still hurting from that morning, and now he just felt so sorry for everyone he had unintentionally caused harm to. Just then, Henry got a notification on his phone.

Jasper: Doing okay? Love you Hen <3

Reading that made his heart hurt. Jasper loved him and was worried for him. And all I'm doing is making him more scared, Henry thought. He started to lose his quiet calmness that he had previously. Now he was breathing faster, and his eyes were watering. He turned his phone off and ignored the text.

Henry's mind raced with cruel thoughts.

What is wrong with me? First I put Jasper in danger, now I'm burdening him with my problems? Charlotte's so upset she barely even talks to me anymore, and Ray probably hates me for being so secretive. If only I wasn't so fucked up none of this would have happened.

He didn't care about himself anymore. And he couldn't call Jasper, or Charlotte, or anyone else for help. He couldn't put this on them anymore, that's exactly his problem. It was dark now and already past midnight. As Henry let out a few sobs, he pulled open his nightstand drawer and grabbed his blade. He couldn't tell Jasper, but Henry had replaces the ones he confiscated.

He wanted to hesitate, or to stop and think about what him and Jasper talked about. But he didn't care. He knew himself, and he knew, or at least believed, that he deserved this.

I'm a horrible friend, and a horrible brother. I fucking deserve even worse than this, Henry thought. He slashed open his arm with the sharp metal blade, almost angrily. He didn't care if he lived or died, he just needed to hurt. Blood seeped out of him and dripped all down his arm. Henry's vision blurred, his headache worsened, but he just couldn't find it in him to stop himself. He quickly and violently made another uneven cut, going semi-accidentally deeper than he had ever gone before. He pulled at his hair violently, eyes squeezed shut with tears quickly rolling down his face. Henry's mind couldn't help but remember his previous conversation:

"And promise you'll call one of us next time you feel like hurting yourself?"

"Okay...okay I can do that.."

He had broken his promise. His thoughts were almost incoherent at this point. Completely jumbled and not making any sense. He fumbled with the blade and tried to cut his arm again, but missed and slashed upper leg instead.

"OW!", Henry shouted, even though he had been hurting himself this whole time. He tried to grab the area of his new wound but he could barely see straight. His arm dripped blood. Henry stood up from his bed and was immediately met with being lightheaded. He got dizzy and sat back down, this time onto the floor, in a panic. He realized he was hyperventilating aggressively. He grabbed for his phone and tried to look at the bright screen, which felt blinding to him. Looking through his contacts for someone, anyone to call. He couldn't bother Jasper and Charlotte again, the sight of this would scar them... He saw Ray's number on the screen.

"Call me if you need anything, okay?", Ray had said earlier

"I.....reaally have to do this...." Henry whispered to himself. He pushed the call button and collapsed down on the carpet. After only two rings, Ray picked up.

"Henry? It's late, are you okay??" Ray said through the phone

Henry could barely sit up without getting dizzy and overwhelmed.

"Y-yeah- I mean no I mean.... h-help me Ray" Henry said in a weak, slow yet panicked voice. Ray could hear him let out a loud cry.

"What's wrong kid?? Stay with me, I'm coming, stay on the phone." Ray said, but Henry was almost passed out completely. As Ray made his way to Henry's house, he tried to keep talking to Henry, but received no further response.

After speeding to Henry's house, Ray climbed the tree by Henry's room and climbed through the window. It was pitch black inside the room. He felt around the walls until he felt a light switch and flicked it on. Ray let out a gasp and the shock of what he saw hit him.

Henry was lying on the floor with his eyes shut, several deep gashes on his arms plus the one on his leg. There was deep red blood smeared all over the carpet and his bedspread. He had traces of blood in his hair and a blade on the comforter.

"Oh Henry" Ray said as he rushed over to the boy. He knelt down checked Henry for a pulse. Luckily he had one, but was completely knocked out. Ray tried to shake him at first, but soon realized he would be better off just getting him out of there and getting help. He picked Henry up carefully and got him out of the house and into his own car. Ray was crying himself, wondering why Henry would do that to himself, and why he hadn't confided in him. He thought of Henry as his own family, and was rightfully shocked and upset. Ray knew he had to stay calm for Henry now, though. Henry needed him. And he was going to help however he could.