blood and dreams

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****TW: cyber bullying, graphic depiction of self harm, suicide mention*****  

please don't judge this chapter it's really late and I'm ridiculously tired which either makes my writing better or worse I can't tell probably both gn 

The next night, when Ray was sleeping, Henry got out of bed and went into the bathroom. Sitting on the floor, he opened the Captain Man twitter account and looked at the picture. He smiled a little at the caption, then remembered the weight of the situation and stopped. He looked at the replies. At the top were all the ones that were supposed to be nice, but really just came off as condescending and frustrated Henry. He worked his way down, trying to get past the fake nice replies. 

@firstan: He is so brave for showing this!! ❤️ 

@rosamc: Aww babie, we have to protect kd at all costs :( 

@jbrady: I hope he can realize that his life isn't that bad and that he'll stop! 💞  

@verbear: How could he do that to himself? poor thing 

Henry cringed at each of these replies. Can't they hear themselves?, Henry thought. He kept scrolling. It didn't take long for the comments to turn rude and malicious. He looked through hundreds.

@bozlo: he's just doing it because he wants sympathy, why else would they have posted it online? it's pathetic  

@izrbac: this is disgusting 

@katwar: vertical for results, sideways for attention 

@ionem: other people have it so much worse, and he has the nerve to do this? I hope he fucking kills himself 

@cateliet: I thought he was supposed to be a superhero, not an attention seeking loser 

@lextech: go deeper next time 

Thousands more like this. Henry scrolled for around 30 minutes before realizing he had gotten no sleep and was feeling more and more triggered by every comment.

 Maybe they're right? Henry thought. 

Henry's thoughts surrounded him 

'No, I know I'm not supposed to think like that. But why would there be so many of them if they didn't have a point? 

Maybe I should listen to them. 

Maybe I'll just do a little. It's fine. No one has to know. They're right. I've always known I deserve this. ' 

Henry pulled out his blade and tried to think of a place Ray wouldn't see it. He decided his side would work. He wanted to look away from the things people were saying online, but it was easier to just scroll and read every nasty thing people had to say. He stopped on one comment that was calling him an array of swear words and lifted up his shirt, getting ready to do something he'd been putting off for a long time. For Ray. But it was fine, Ray didn't have to know. He cut open his side, slowly, painfully. He was so tired it barely affected him. He started to cut quicker, deeper, until he had several new gashes curving from the side of his stomach to his side to where his back began. It was too easy to get carried away. The thrill of seeing blood drip and drip out of his wounds never got old. He was so tired he could barely stand. The bright bathroom light made him look undead, and there were splatters of blood on the bright white floor. He didn't stop. 

They're right. You fucking suck, Henry thought to himself. He remembered that one reply, "go deeper next time". Those words played over and over in Henry's head, barely making him as angry as he rightfully should be, but instead forcing him to go further, to cut deeper. He made a new cut. There were an overwhelming amount now. Every rude comment made him feel like he had to prove something. To prove how he was valid. He wasn't looking for attention. He wanted the opposite. So now he was destroying himself, and maybe that didn't make sense, but it gave his brain temporary relief. He stood and turned so he could see what he did in the mirror. It was a sight that would make most people cover their eyes. Henry just looked pleased with himself. 

Am I losing it? Have I gone insane?, Henry thought. 

He heard footsteps. He quickly pulled on his shirt and went to pick up his blade to hide when he slipped on the bloody floor and fell. He banged his head against the wall and landed on his hands, and when he lifted them up he could see they were covered in blood from the floor. The lights were spinning, and Henry was barely conscious now. Everything was going dark when Ray walked in. 

What Ray saw when he got into the bathroom was different than how Henry saw it. Scarier. Henry was half lying on the floor, his upper half lazily leaning against the wall and his head drooping. There was blood sleeping through the side of his light gray T Shirt, and a puddle of blood was beneath where he sat on the floor. Henry's eyes were barely open, and he wasn't moving. Ray moved over, kneeling next to him and shook him by his shoulders. Henry made a small movement and his eyes opened fully. 

"...ray.." Henry said quietly. 

"Henry I'm here, I'm here now" Ray said, lifting Henry's shirt to see the damage. It was worse than he thought. He grabbed the first aid kit frantically and started cleaning the cuts. He wrapped gauze all the way around Henry's waist several times, hoping it would compress it enough to stop the bleeding. He couldn't see any bleeding through the bandages yet, so he hoped it was okay. He picked up Henry and carried him to the bed, lying him down. Then he tried to help him drink water. He held the glass to Henry's lips, but it wasn't really working. He figured that since Henry was breathing and kind of awake, he should be okay. He quickly went back to the bathroom and cleaned the blood off of everything. Ray was scared for Henry. He should've been there, like last time. 

He went back to the bed and held his finger below Henry's nose, checking to make sure he was still breathing. He shook him lightly again. 

"Henry, Henryyyy" Ray said, hating to bother him after this. Henry opened his eyes a little. 

"What, Ray?" He asked, before falling back asleep. He wasn't even awake enough to comprehend the situation, but at least he was alive. Once Ray was assured Henry was mostly okay, He got in the bed too. Henry lied flat on his back, and Ray lied on his side. Ray wasn't on a pillow, he had moved farther down on the bed, resting his face gently against Henry's side. He could feel the bandages through Henry's shirt. Ray reached one arm over Henry's stomach and held him. Ray couldn't fall asleep that night, he felt too guilty. Part of him was glad he was awake though, if Henry woke up he would be there. He needed to be there.