blood and dreams

Family Line

The next day, Henry was alone in Ray's room. Ray had been out fighting some villain and was on his way back. Ray understood Henry wouldn't be up for fighting crime any time soon. He didn't pressure him, but someone had to do it. Of course Henry didn't want Ray to leave, but what could he do? They couldn't just let the criminals run loose, and he lucked out enough to not have to do it himself. Maybe a tiny part of Henry wanted to be out there too, doing the thing he was most proud of, but he just hurt too much. Craving happiness wasn't even a thing anymore. Henry didn't want to be happy. He didnt even remember what being happy was like. He just wanted to feel nothing. Nothing at all. That would be his dream. He didnt feel scared in the man cave. He just felt alone. It couldve almost been a good feeling, if he wasn't so traumatized. Henry was lying flat on his back in the bed, staring at the ceiling. He was completely still. He used the time when Ray was gone to let himself be sad. Henry loved being comforted, but sometimes he just needed to be sad and alone. He was playing music pretty loudly, thinking.. A single tear rolled out of his eye and into his ear.
Ray came down the tube and walked up towards his room. He was walking down the hallway slowly, trying to be quiet in case Henry was sleeping when he heard the music playing. He paused for a second, wondering if he should turn back. He decided to listen for just a second.
"Scattered cross my family line
I'm so good at telling lies
That came from my mother's side"
Ray walked up to the door, which was just open enough Ray could see into the room with one eye. He made no noise as he looked at Henry, lying there with pain in his eyes. 
"God I have my father's eyes
But my sister's when I cry
I can run but I can't hide
From my family line"   
It hurt Ray that Henry could relate to the song. It gave him insight to what Henry was really feeling. Ray understood what to was like to have parent issues, but not like this. Not really... 
"I watch the fathers with their little girls
And wonder what I did to deserve this
How could you hurt a little kid?
I can't forget, I can't forgive you
Cause now I'm scared that everyone I love will leave me"  
Ray blinked back tears, listening to every word of the song. He wondered if Henry was scared of him leaving him. Of Jasper and Charlotte leaving him. Ray knew he would always be there for Henry, but maybe Henry didn't. He thought back to all the times he told Henry he loved him, or was there for him, and was grateful he had said that. Did Henry think he was lying the whole time? Ray wanted to go in there and comfort Henry, but he didn't want to interrupt him. It seemed like a moment Henry needed to be alone for. But Ray couldn't just walk away. What if he hurt himself? No. Henry wasn't a little kid. He could handle being alone for a while. But still, Ray was concerned. He slid down the wall and sat there, listening through the door but not looking. He hung his head in his hands and could almost feel Henry's emotions himself. Maybe they were more similar than they thought. Ray found himself thinking about his childhood, his parents, all the things he normally pushed out of his mind. Meanwhile Henry let tears trickle down the side of his face. He didn't know Ray was there, and even though he was technically less alone than before, he felt worse. Overwhelmed with emotions. Laying still, but his mind was racing with horrible memories. 
"ALL THAT I DID, I TRY TO UNDO IT
ALL OF MY PAIN AND ALL YOUR EXCUSES
I WAS A KID BUT I WASNT CLUELESS"
Ray let out a choked sob
"SOMEONE WHO LOVES YOU WOULDN'T DO THIS"
Henry breathed quickly. 
"ALL OF MY PAST I TRIED TO ERASE IT
BUT NOW I SEE, WOULD I EVEN CHANGE IT?" 
Henry looked at his damaged wrist
"MIGHT SHARE A FACE AND SHARE A LAST NAME BUT
WE ARE NOT THE SAME"
Henry and Ray were both crying now, Ray's more hysterical as he let out years worth of built up emotions, and Henry's quieter but still overwhelming. Henry had felt like this so much lately it wasn't even a big deal anymore. Still, if he could go back, he wouldn't change anything. He didn't feel regretful about his cuts anymore. He was so sure in his head he deserved it. Maybe he deserved the way his parents treated him. How hypocritical was it to be mad at his father for hurting him, when he was doing the same thing to himself? Wanting Henry to be in pain was him and his father's common ground. He shivered at the thought that he was truly his parents child. Ray couldn't hold it together for Henry anymore. He was losing it too. 
"I can run but I can't hide
from my family line....
from my family line......."  

*all italicized song lyric credits to conan gray*