blood and dreams

Falling Apart

Ray moved his hand over so it was on top of Henry's, with his other hand on the steering wheel. He knew how much Henry loved physical touch, especially when he was having a hard time. And Ray knew that Henry had been going through a lot lately. He hoped Henry was feeling okay. After all that just happened with his parents, Henry seemed suspiciously calm. Ray suspected he was bottling up his emotions. Or maybe he was just feeling numb right now. Either way, all Ray could do for now was be there for Henry. He moved his thumb up and down Henry's hand. He couldn't even imagine how he was feeling.  
When they got to Junk'N'Stuff, the two let go of each other's hands while they got out of the car. As soon as they were back next to each other walking inside, they interlocked fingers again. Henry felt safe like this, which was exactly what he needed after how he'd felt all day. Scared. Guilty. Hurt. The two were quiet. Ray didn't show his worry, he knew the last thing Henry needed was to see him looking upset. Henry remained composed as they walked through the store and into the  elevator. They walked through the man cave, through the sprocket, and ended in Ray's bedroom again. Henry loved it in there. It was the one place he felt truly welcomed and like he didn't have to hide anything. He felt comfortable and safe. Ray sat on his bed, and Henry sat down after him, leaning all his weight on Ray. The two sat in silence for a few minutes. Ray figured Henry must be in shock, or processing what happened earlier. Maybe he was tired from being hurt so badly. Thinking this made him want to scream at Jake, but Ray had to hold back his anger for Henry's dad so that he could comfort Henry in the moment.  
"If you want to talk about what happened today, I'll listen whenever you're ready Hen. Take your time, I understand if you don't want to." Ray said gently. Henry blinked tiredly.
"Is it okay if I fall apart right now?" Henry asked, his voice cracking in a way that showed he was on the verge of tears.
"I'm here for you. You can fall apart whenever you need to, I'll put the pieces back together." Ray said softly.
Henry crumbled at this. He broke into sobs, heaving and shouting muffled cries into the crook of Ray's neck.
"I feel so bad, Ray. I ruined everything. I made Jasper and Charlotte feel awful and stressed out. I made my parents freak out and scare Piper. She doesn't even get to live with her own parents anymore because of me. I broke up my whole family Ray." Henry paused to let out another cry. "And now I'm staying here with you, and I love you, and I love it here, but I feel awful. You shouldn't have to take care of me. You shouldn't have to let me stay here with you. It's unfair. It's unfair to everyone. And it's completely my fault. Why am I like this? Why did I have to go and fuck everything up Ray?" Henry finished, screaming muffled sobs into Ray's shirt. The tears were flowing so fast. Henry's head pounded and he grabbed onto Ray. Ray wrapped him in a tight hug.
"Henry, you're not a burden to me. It's the opposite. Do you know how badly I've wanted you to live here with me for the past few years? I'm so glad you're out of that house. I love you so much, you're the best friend I've ever had. Don't feel bad that I get to live with you. I love you kid." Henry didn't say anything. He was still hyperventilating with his head down against Ray's chest as Ray moved his hand up and down Henry's back.
"Don't feel bad about Jasper and Charlotte. They don't mind worrying about you. But I've been checking up with them and letting them know you're safe with me. They know I wouldn't let anything happen to you." Henry's breathing slowed a bit. "And not to mention, you didn't make your parents freak out like that. They chose to do that. They chose to abuse you like that. You didn't cause it, and you didn't deserve it. Think about how I didn't do any of that when I found out. That's how they should've handled it. You didn't make anyone do anything Hen. That's just how they are. You did Piper a favor getting her out of there. She would've seen a lot worse if she had to stick around. You're a good person Henry. I'll do anything it takes to make you believe that." Ray ran his hand through Henry's hair while Henry kept his cheek pressed against Ray's body. Henry was holding onto Ray tightly, his nails digging into Ray's back. He never wanted to let go. Ray was his safe place.  
Henry let out a muffled "I love you so so much", not moving from his spot against Ray. Henry couldn't find any stronger words. But he wanted Ray to know he loved him. Ray knew he meant it. 
Ray just hugged Henry tighter, then layed down and let Henry rest his head on his chest, exhausted from his breakdown. 
"I love you too Henry. So much."