38 ➹ when the party's over

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when the party's over  | billie eilish❝ let's just let it go, let me let you goquiet when i'm comin' home and i'm on my own ❞

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when the party's over | billie eilish
❝ let's just let it go, let me let you go
quiet when i'm comin' home
and i'm on my own ❞

"TOMORROW AT EIGHT be here. It's going to be a party you'll never forget."

Maxi's words from yesterday have been looming over me all day, if it hadn't been for being at school I genuinely think I would've spent the day having her in my head but then there'd be moments like when the boys wished me a happy birthday and I'd imagine them stabbing me in the eye, because that seemed less awkward then the thirty-second conversation after yesterdays blowout.

The music from downstairs is so loud that I feel it vibrate beneath me on the floor and even the walls shake a little leaving the book with the tabs on Rain's bedside table to fall over since it was already on the edge. I look over reading the title along with other words printed in bold as I go to pick it up and I swear I read the words 'erotic' and 'taboo' at least three times.

I rip my gaze away from the book the second I hear my phone ring, thinking it's Rain again asking me to come down I go to silence it until I see Dad's contact on the screen, I answer it - having anticipated his call all day. Reid called in the morning and so did the rest of my family. I don't think they realise we're not supposed to be using our phones during school hours but nonna doesn't care, she says 'her Luca' won't be told what to do by Americans.

Then I had to break it to her that I was born in America, which makes me American. My left ear hasn't stopped ringing since, note to self; never do that again.

"Hey dad," I greet hoping he can hear me over the music that's changed for the thousandth time. I guess that's what happens when you put Maxi in charge, she can never decide what song she wants on.

"Luca, you're eighteen!" Dad's joy is so clear that I smile at it, I don't think I've heard him this happy in months, years even.

"I'm aware dad, that comes with you know...being me."

"Oh come on, give me a break. I can't wish my baby a happy birthday?"

"Baby!" I groan, when am I ever going to outgrow that title.

"Right, you're eighteen...a man! We've talked about all the important topics, right? Consent, safety, sex -"

"Yeah, yeah." I quickly cut in, not wanting to relive the sex talk I had with dad after Reid dared me to ask what herpes was. I feel myself shudder as the memory momentarily resurfaces.

"Right, I'm just trying to not have your mother haunt me from up there." I feel the smile on my face grow, "have you received your letter? I posted it out to you a little while ago." I nod eyeing the letter that's on my desk, mom wrote a series of them before she passed. She refused to miss any big dates. Some days I wish she didn't write them for just the important days because they're not the only times I miss her, but I guess that's me being greedy. Some people don't even have the important dates and here's me worrying about the in-between.

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