LIVING & GRIEVING

04. emotional drunk

I could already feel eyes on me as I followed Quinn inside James' house. Almost straight away, I started getting stopped multiple times by different classmates, all offering their condolences. Some of them said they never expected to see me out again. It made me wonder had they ever lost a close family member before, let alone a parent. I mean, I had been in school almost every day the past week. I didn't think it was crazy I hadn't been to a party yet.

Luckily, I quickly found Hannah and Olivia again. James' family were quite well off, and he had the biggest house in the area. They had knocked down the original building and designed their home from scratch. So, it was no surprise his open plan kitchen had the same type of bar you would expect in a club. My friends unsurprisingly were pouring more drinks when they spotted me and immediately laughed at my appearance.

"What are you wearing?"

"Quinn literally threw it at me and then locked his car. He said I looked ridiculous. Suppose the dress was a bit much."

They gave each other a look, "since when do you care what Quinn thinks?"

I didn't bother replying to them, instead narrowing my eyes, and grabbing a drink out of their hands. I didn't care what Quinn thought. But I cared that everyone else here would think the same. I didn't need to draw more attention to myself. I saw James approach and we all hugged him, wishing him a happy birthday. His hands lingered for a little longer on Olivia. He made small talk for a few minutes, before excusing himself to mingle with the rest of his guests.

"Well, at least Sean will definitely stay away from you now. Every boy will, with that jumper on," Olivia laughed.

That was the first time I looked down and took in the jumper I was wearing. It had the initials QH embroidered on the sleeve. Son of a bitch set me up. There was nothing wrong with my outfit. He just wanted my night to be even worse. Downing my drink, I charged off to find him. Instead, I walked straight into the chest of none other than Sean Parker.

"Ivy, didn't expect to see you here... Is that Quinn's training jumper?"

"I was just on my way to give it back to him. I lifted it by accident," I lied.

"Don't bother, I seen you come here with him anyway."

"He lives next door to me, Sean. Now, if you just leave me alone to give It back to him."

He grabbed my elbow pulling me back, "You know what, it doesn't even matter. I've been acting crazy, I know that. It's just I really want to go back to how things were, you know? Maybe even before we became a thing. Just go back to being friends again?"

In his eyes, I'm sure things could go back to how they were, easily. But he didn't lose anyone. Sure, he liked my mum, but she was my mum. His family were perfectly intact. To me, he was my friend before mum passed, and just another boy afterwards. Whether we patched things up or not, nothing was ever going back to how it was. Nothing in my life ever could. I didn't care enough to tell him that though.

"Yeah, Sean. That would be nice. If you promise not to bring it up again. I really don't want to keep talking about it. Mum passed and things changed. We can still be friends."

"Promise, Ivy. Let's get you another drink."

Hours passed and we actually had many drinks. All of us did. At one point, Hannah was even dancing on a table. She was always the life of the party after a few drinks. It completely brought her out of her shell. It was nice to see her that way. And Olivia was heading upstairs with James. Finally. I was grateful they forced me to come out, I was having fun. But that's when it hit me, I shouldn't have been having fun.