LIVING & GRIEVING

26. first happy birthday

Today was the day of Quinn's birthday party and we were all invited. Despite the fact I hadn't spoken to him since our incident at Olivia's house. I wasn't sure how we would act around each other. Cliodhan hadn't mentioned it either. But it became obvious when the three of us came back to the living room, she didn't flirt with him once.

Hannah and Olivia were over so we could get ready together. It was a fairly casual party from the message we received from Quinn, but Ronan had informed Hannah (because they'd been keeping in touch) that Rachel, Zara, and Anna were all wearing dresses. I knew most girls would be, in the hopes of impressing, so I decided to go with a happy medium of a denim mini skirt and cropped tee.

"Are you nervous?" Olivia eyed me.

"Very. How about you?" I looked to Hannah.

"What do I have to be nervous about?" she asked innocently.

"Oh, cut the crap," Olivia rolled her eyes, "you two are ridiculous. At least I admitted I was in love with James."

"I'm not in love with anyone!" she tried to fight back as I joined in. "Neither am I!"

"Okay fine. But can you at least admit you both like the boys?"

We shared a look between each other, as if we were wondering who was going to speak up first. "Fine," I decided. "You're right. I might like him a little."

It was hard for me to admit that to even myself. I had spent so long hating Quinn, that I had never paused to wonder what he was actually like in a romantic sense. I never thought I would have to imagine that. But when I thought about it, there was always something between us. Lorna once told me hate is the closest feeling to love, because they're both just as strong as each other. Not that I loved Quinn, but there was always tension between us in a way.

"Finally! Hannah?"

"Okay, yeah. Ronan's nice and I fancy him. I don't know if I know him enough to say I like him though."

Olivia seemed happy enough with our confessions and decided she had tortured us enough for one day, "thank you for your honesty," she dramatically sighed, "ready to go?"

"I'm not feeling great," I faked a cough, "maybe I should stay home."

"Ivy Archer we are all going to this party if it's the last thing we do!"

"I just don't want to anymore!"

"I promise you Quinn is crazy about you. Anyone can see that from a mile away."

"It's not that I'm worried about. I'm not saying he does either, but I'm worried if he does have those feelings, he'll do something about it."

"Wouldn't that be a good thing?" Hannah asked confused.

"I don't know. I don't know what I want. I literally only realised I like him and that was scary enough. I don't know what I'd do if something happened between us."

"Newsflash!" Olivia jumped up, "something already has!" She shook her head as she started to drag me out of the house.

I reluctantly followed my friends as we made the short trip to Quinn's door. I took a deep breath as I had my first glimpse at the party next door. Everyone was here. Even the people who weren't invited had shown up, desperate to be seen as a friend of Quinn's. Luckily, Angela and Martin had decided to stay in a hotel at the coast for a night, as Quinn's actual birthday wasn't until tomorrow. There were definitely more people here than they had allowed.

"There you are!" Ronan spotted us, "I was beginning to think you girls weren't going to show up."

We had arrived fashionably late, not wanting to be there when the party hadn't fully started and there was more chance of an awkward encounter between me and Quinn, who I hadn't spotted yet. I could see the rest of our friends though, already mingling in the middle of the party.