LIVING & GRIEVING

34. fireworks

Aunt Claire was hosting a remembrance night, as she called it, with fireworks and everything, for mum. A way to get all the family together, one that we couldn't say no to. I did try but dad shut me down straight away. I thought about telling him I don't have many memories with mum. Lorna said sometimes trauma can cause gaps in your memories like everything become a blur. That started a lot sooner than I thought it would.

But the saving grace was that she said we could bring friends, so I brought my trusted five who mum loved just as much as I do. I thought about bringing Cliodhan too, but Mark mentioned she was working so I didn't have to come up with an excuse. When in reality, I just felt like the night should be for people who would remember mum: that was the whole point. So, I didn't invite Harry either.

"Ivy!" Claire greeted me.

"Hi Aunt Claire, thanks for having us all round."

"I wish you'd come round more." She was already getting on my nerves.

"I'll try my best to. Are dad and Connor already here?"

"Yes, pet. They're in the bar of course. Hi girls," she turned to Hannah and Olivia before striding off, ignoring the boys. Claire and my mum had very different parenting ideas and while my mum didn't mind me hanging out with boys, Claire was convinced I'd become a teen mum.

"She still hates us," James laughed as we wandered into the garage, which she'd converted into a bar.

Dad and Connor were there, just like she said, and they both looked like they didn't want to be here, just as much as I did. He wouldn't admit it now, but dad was never close with Claire. He was trying his best now because mum would want him too, but I could tell he still wasn't fond of her company.

"You all made it," he stood up, "boys, want a beer?"

"Absolutely," Sean took him up on his offer the fastest. Out of all the boys, he was closest to my dad because he'd came to the house a few times on his own last summer. Dad was such a quiet man that he never talked to the other boys much unless there was beer involved, like tonight.

"I didn't think everyone would be drinking tonight," I was gaining interest now. This night mightn't be so bad.

"Only the men, Ivy," dad replied with an accusing look, as if to say please don't get drunk at your mothers' remembrance night.

This night was just like any other for me though. Claire claimed that's how she felt too, which is why she decided to host it on a random day in the year, instead of an occasion like her anniversary. Because I want to remember my sister every day, she'd said. It almost sounded sincere and not just an excuse to invite everyone round to her nice new house.

Mum and Claire had grown up in a working-class family and while mum had done well for herself, Claire had married rich. Like sold her old house for almost a million-pound rich. And she liked to remind everyone of that, especially mum. But she always left out the part where all the money belongs to her husband, Dave.

Dave works for the same company as Martin, Quinn's dad. But it's easy to forget how much money the Hale family have because they don't act like it. I was sure Quinn had a nice trust fund waiting for him when he'd be buying a house, but he still drove around in an old car and lived on a borderline middle-class street.

"I didn't know the Hale's were coming," James lifted a beer, as I turned to see both Angela, Martin and Quinn arriving, through the window.

"Quinn's here?" Olivia looked to me, as if to decipher whether I knew he'd be there or not.

"Don't look at me, I didn't know."

"Why does it matter if Quinn's here?" Connor asked only loud enough for me to hear.

"It doesn't."

"Tell Olivia's face that, she's boiling up."

"She just didn't expect to see him, that's all."

"She didn't or you didn't?"

"Both, I suppose."

"There they are, the Archers!" Angela exclaimed entering the garage bar, pulling me in for a hug.

"Beer, Martin?" my dad asked, straight away.

"I'd never turn one down, Alex," he laughed, before taking a seat next to him, leaving Quinn standing in the doorway.

"Alright, Quinn," James nodded to him, earning a nudge in the ribs from Olivia, who was angrier about Rebecca existing than I was it seemed. "Ow, what did you do that for?"

"Do what for?" she smiled sweetly back at him.

"Hi everyone," Quinn replied, only looking at me.

"Hi, Quinn."

"Hi, Ivy."

I felt like I was at his birthday party all over again. Both of us awkwardly greeting each other and not knowing what to say next. Although, it was for different reasons then. This time, he just gave us all a slight nod of acknowledgement, before lifting a beer and heading outside, surprisingly shortly followed by Connor.

"I'm going to go say hi to Claire," Angela smiled, and there was something about the look on her face that told me she knew everything about me and Quinn.

"You really didn't know Quinn was coming?" Olivia quizzed me again.

"Nope, I genuinely didn't."

"I did," Hannah blurted out, "Ronan told me this morning."

"You were with Ronan this morning?" Olivia distracted herself for a second.

"Yes, we-"

"Hold that thought actually. You knew Quinn was coming and you didn't say?"

"Yes, but-"

"Guys, it's alright. I'm glad he's here actually."

"Thank God!" Hannah let out a breath, "I didn't know how you'd-"

"Wait, you want him here?" Olivia interrupted again, struggling to wrap her head around this.

"I was trying to say I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to panic and I thought in the long run you'd like him here because we all know you still care about him and everyone can tell so we should all stop acting like we don't like him anymore!" Hannah let out in one exasperated breath, making sure no one could cut her off again. Failing to notice Quinn had entered the bar again, grabbing a bottle opener.

"Don't mind me," the corner of his lips tugged slightly upwards as he passed us again.

"Great," she sighed in response, realising he definitely heard all that.

"It's fine, Hannah. Don't worry."

"Maybe I have been a bit harsh on the subject," Olivia sighed, following us out and taking a seat on the grass.

It wasn't long before the night was coming to an end and we were all stood around a firepit, watching the fireworks. And it was actually really nice. I wasn't sure when, but Quinn had worked his way over to me, standing on my left side with Hannah and Olivia on my right, who both gave him genuine smiles for the first time in a while.

"This is really nice," he smiled down at me, "I hope you don't mind that I came."

"No, I'm glad that you did. Thank you for coming, Quinn."

"You're far too good to me sometimes, Ivy."

"I just know that mum would be happy you're here," I whispered, a tear falling down my check as he wrapped an arm round me and pulled me into his side, using his other hand to wipe my tear.

"I want you to be happy too," he whispered softly, as another set of fireworks went off. This time I felt a few inside me too.