It was quite lonely round the house. It had been for quite some time though when I thought about it. Even when mum was still here, she wasn't really here, not for the last couple of months anyway. The woman living with us was hard to talk to. The silence was lonely. And the shouting was even worse. Our home became just four walls that knew all our secrets. We still shared the same roof, but we weren't the same family.
"And where was Connor in all of this? When the shouting would start?"
"Connor was different, he didn't get it the same way that I did."
"What do you mean by that?" Lorna eyed me, curiously.
"Well, he's a boy. He spent most of his time in his room talking to his friends on PlayStation. He still does when he's not at work. Sometimes I think we lived completely different lives while going through the same thing. He never focused on the bad things. His headphones drowned it out."
"It was just different for him. She never shouted at him. He missed a lot of the arguments. I was always downstairs. I was there every time she had a breakdown. She would take it out on me. When Connor would come in, she would be happy to see him. He always caught her on her good days. He never heard the things she would say to me."
"And what kind of things would she say?"
"The medication had her saying all sorts. She used to think random people were in our house, like me and dad weren't who we said we were. She always thought we were pretending to be other people I never really understood it. I think she thought we were plotting against her. Like when my dad used to tell the nurses he found another lump on her, she'd get angry and tell them he was making it up and he wanted rid of her. She always asked Connor for help against us. I think it's cause me and dad where practically her carers."
"What was her relationship like with your dad before this?"
"It was complicated for a while. She didn't just change when she started to die. She was different all last year. Angry all the time. She told me that she was leaving dad and he would have to find somewhere else to live. She always said things like that, then dad would go away for a day, and she would act like nothing happened when he came back. Connor never believed me when I told him."
"That must have been so hard for you."
"Yeah, I think that's the worst part of it all. Seeing what dad was dealing with the whole time but being too young to really understand. I never did anything to help. I still don't talk to him about it."
"Would you like to? Talk to your dad about it?"
"I don't think I'm ready to hear the whole story. I still can't get over some things mum said to me. I don't want to be angry for him too. I can't carry any more."
"What is it you're struggling to get over that she said?"
"She told me I wasn't family to her anymore."
YOU ARE READING
LIVING & GRIEVING
Teen Fiction"You're going to keep living, V." Everyone thought Ivy Archer had the perfect life. Because they had no idea what she was hiding: her mums terminal cancer. When the inevitable happens, Ivy is forced to face her grief for the first time, in front of...
