LIVING & GRIEVING

13. sixteenth birthday

(before mum - flashback)

My birthday was my favourite day in the world. My parents always went all out and let me do whatever I wanted. This year, it was my sweet sixteenth. I'm not sure why sixteen felt like such a big age but it did. I was having a big party too. It was going to be the best birthday party of the year. Mum had made sure we thought of everything, from a photobooth to a DJ. She'd even got me a three-tiered cake.

Hannah and Olivia had come round to spend the day with me. Mainly because I couldn't wait to show off all my gifts. My parents had even included them; they got me three Taylor Swift tickets so I could take both my best friends. It was the best day ever. We practically screamed the house down in excitement.

I needed them to help me get ready too. I was sixteen now. I needed to look the part. But I had always been useless with make-up. Olivia was the perfect friend for that, and Hannah helped do my hair. While we were still in the middle of getting dressed, mum shouted up the stairs, "I think there's someone at the door for you, V!"

I raced down, hoping it would be someone with another gift or more money. But I couldn't see anyone through the looking glass. I opened the door anyway, confused, and spotted a bunch of flowers left on my step. I audibly gasped at how beautiful they were. They were lilies, my favourite, in a mixed spring bunch with roses, freesias and eucalyptus, wrapped in brown paper. No note attached.

The girls were squealing again as soon as I burst back into the room, jumping around with the bunch in the air. Our excitement was borderline embarrassing. But none of us had ever been sent flowers before.

"Oh my God!" Olivia practically started crying, "They're anonymous. Who do you think it could be? What if it's just your parents?"

I started to panic. What if it was just my parents? After all, mum was the one that called me downstairs. Surely, she would've seen whoever was at the door. I tried to put that thought at the back of my mind. I wanted them to be from a boy. I wanted my friends to think they were from a boy too.

"Mum said she seen a boy running off," I lied. "Looked a bit like Harry from maths class, she said." I wanted it to be Harry from maths class. Maybe it still was.

"Oh my god, that makes so much sense! He's coming tonight and wanted to make his move on you early. Maybe he'll even kiss you!"

I did end up kissing Harry that night. It was my first ever kiss. It was also my first-time tasting alcohol which is probably what gave me the confidence. I had swayed my way over to him on the dance floor, hoping he was expecting me.

"Thanks for dropping off those flowers today, Harry," I smiled, hoping I was right. "They're the nicest bunch I've ever got," pretending I'd been given flowers before. "How did you know Lilies were my favourite?"

"Uhhh... yeah, you're welcome." he decided, shrugging. "Hannah told me. So, happy birthday."

Those little bitches knew! They knew it was him all along and they had me worried all day. Trying my best to hide my excitement, I stood on my tip toes and pressed my lips to his. It was more of a quick peck. But it was still my first kiss. And it was magical to me.

"I'll go get us some drinks," he smiled, before making his way out through the crowd.

I was so happy I had to take a second to collect my thoughts, collapsing my body onto the sofa. Harry was my first crush and maybe soon, he'd even be my first boyfriend.

"Having a good birthday?" I turned to the person sitting next to me and scowled when I realised it was my annoying neighbour, Quinn. Mum had forced him to come and chaperone. That was the deal when her and dad agreed to leave for the night. She said she couldn't trust Connor as he would probably get drunk too, whereas Quinn wouldn't because he'd have Gaelic in the morning.

Thinking about it, Quinn had actually been my first crush, back when I was twelve. That was before he had opened his mouth though. The crush didn't last very long after that. He had almost immediately started pestering me.

"Yeah, thanks."

"Did you get anything nice?"

"Taylor Swift tickets. And Harry got me the nicest bunch of flowers ever," I tried to gloat.

"Harry?" he raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah, Harry Jones. He's in my maths class. I know you know who he is cause he's on the team with you. I think he's going to be my boyfriend soon."

"Oh yeah?" he shrugged, "you might want to tell him that."

I snapped my head to where he was pointing me to look. Harry was making out with one of the girls in the year above. She wasn't even invited. I don't know who brought her. Probably Harry, I thought. My mood completely deflated.

Quinn had ruined my birthday. And I didn't speak to Harry again after that night. I didn't get sent any flowers the year after either.