LIVING & GRIEVING

11. finding hobbies

In our last session, Lorna had asked me what I do in my spare time. This was a question I dreaded. I had things I liked to do. But I stopped doing most of them past the age of fifteen, when mum got diagnosed again. I scrambled to put an answer together. I wanted to tell her I liked to read and learn, but my studies hadn't been great recently. The only thing I liked to do recently, was hang out with my friends. It turned out to be a great distraction.

She said it was normal to lose hobbies growing up, but she did suggest trying to find some again, potentially even some that might bring me closer to mum. So, I listed the things mum used to like doing. Most of which were things her and dad would do. They spent most their time together. There were few things she did alone, gardening being one.

So, I decided that's where I would start. Dad had given me some money to go out and buy some plants and equipment. I didn't really know what to get so I took Hannah with me, while Olivia was at work. I wasn't sure if including friends in my hobbies to connect with mum defeated the purpose. Though, Lorna assured me that my friends can be as big a part in my grieving process as I want them to be.

We picked out a lot of flowers, far more than we needed, and got to work. Truthfully, we really had let the garden go. Almost all of our plants were dead and there was a fair number of weeds over the driveway. It just wasn't something we ever had to think about. Our grass hadn't been cut since either, but it hadn't grown too bad, being winter. It was just about starting to need done again.

"What on earth are you two doing?" Quinn looked amused.

I looked down and took in our attire. Hannah had convinced me that we needed to do it properly. So, we bought gloves and welly boots, which were completely unnecessary. My driveway was gravel. I hadn't even taken into consideration that starting on the front garden meant that all of our neighbours could see us. Especially Quinn, who seemed to be just arriving home from training. Hannah looked at me, helplessly. I had a feeling she wouldn't have much input in the conversation.

"What does it look like we're doing? It's called gardening."

"And why are you doing that?"

"Well, who else is going to do it?"

"Do you need any help?"

"Not from you, no."

"We need someone to cut the grass," Hannah managed to squeeze some words out, "we don't know how to use a lawnmower."

"Okay. I'll be right back. Do I need to bring my wellies?"

I scoffed ignoring his mocking laugh as he walked round the back of his house, undoubtedly, to grab a lawnmower.

"Are you serious Hannah? We don't need his help."

"Yes, we do, V. We really don't know how to lawnmower. And its Quinn Hale for God Sake, who would turn down watching him all hard working and sweaty?"

Just about as Hannah finished her sentence, he appeared again, carrying a lawnmower like it was no big deal, making Hannah blush. I hated that boy and how he seemed to constantly be inserting himself into my life all of a sudden. I didn't want any help from Quinn Hale. The three of us were silent as he ran the lawnmower over the small patch of grass on our driveway. To my surprise, when he finished the grass, he lifted a brush and started cleaning up the mess me and Hannah were making.

"What are you doing?" I frowned.

"What do I look like I'm doing? I'm gardening." Touché Quinn, fucking touché.

"Very funny. Well, you don't need to. Thanks for cutting the grass and all. But me and Hannah have this under control."

"I'm actually getting really tired," Hannah shrugged, handing Quinn her hand shovel, "I'm going to head in and take a break, you can take over from me Quinn." I am going to kill her someday.

Quinn did as she said and began weeding beside me. He had definitely never gardened before, and it was clear. He kept neglecting to remove the root of the weed to stop it growing back. Meaning I had to do double the work, going over the places he had already done.

"So, what's with the gardening?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, you have never gardened before."

"I already told you. Who else is going to do it?"

He looked down in defeat and continued with what he was doing. For the first time, I actually felt bad for being a bitch to him. He had been considerably less of an annoyance to me recently and I still wouldn't cut him any slack. He was down on his knees weeding my driveway after all. No one would believe that the Quinn Hale helped garden on his weekends.

"I told my counsellor that I would try new hobbies," I gave in.

"You see a shrink?"

"She's a grief counsellor Quinn. My mum died. And my granny might I add."

"I know that."

"Then why are you surprised I'm seeing a counsellor?"

"Because you don't like to talk about it."

"How would you know that?"

"You think my family and yours never talk? You think I didn't notice how you reacted when your dad brought up your mum on Christmas? How you forced yourself to go to that party so your friends would think you're okay?"

He really had been paying attention. I didn't even realise how obviously closed off I had been to everyone. I really hadn't been talking about it. That was obvious.

"I live next door, Ivy, I see you. Whether you like it or not, I see you," he looked into my eyes a moment too long before Hannah came back through the front door.

"How's it coming along?" she smiled.

"I was actually just leaving. It's your turn to take over again."

"You're leaving?" I looked up.

"Yeah, I've had enough of your company."

Hannah looked between us both as he walked off into his own house. She was confused as I just sighed in defeat. There was nothing surprising about his sudden change of attitude. That was the Quinn I really knew.

"What's up with him?"

"That's just who he is Hannah, he was never going to stand here all day and chat with us."

"I think you're wrong about him, you know. I don't know what the deal is with you two but he's always been a decent guy."

"I don't care if I'm wrong or not. What time does Liv finish work?"

"Now that you mention it, she's probably finished now. Shall we go grab a Starbucks?"

We jumped in Hannah's car and made the short journey to Olivia's house, who was not long in after her shift.

"I'm so glad yous are here, you'll never guess what happened yesterday," she greeted us with a smug tone.

"You sound happy for someone who's just spent their Sunday working. Interesting. Do tell?"

"Well, that's because I had a fantastic Saturday. I met up with James."

"WHAT? Just the two of you??" Hannah was a good driver. However, she was easily distracted, and I always had to remind her to keep her eyes on the road. This was a prime example as she hit the breaks abruptly at Olivia's news. But hearing how excited she already was, I didn't bother mentioning it. "JUST THE TWO OF YOU?" she continued.

"Yes, Hannah obviously. We kissed too. He's going to give it a go," she squealed. "Oh god, what am I doing? I'm meant to be the cool one and I'm here fangirling over one of our best friends."

"That's amazing!" I truly was happy for her.

"Oh my God, I can't believe this. I should stop telling people our friend group is like family, brothers and sisters I usually say."

"Yes Han, I think you should have stopped saying that a long time ago," Olivia scoffed.