Downhill From Here (#1)

9. Positive Reinforcement

A/N: I love reading y'all's comments and thank you for the support. Enjoy!

Nathan's POV

October 25th

6:23 am

"Paige says t-that her mommy does her haiw. Do I have a mawmee?" Lilo's innocent voice sliced against my chest. I swallowed the heaviness in my throat.

That was the thing about 3-year-olds. They had so much to say and so many questions to ask. And because I knew she was taking in everything I did, I had to be careful about what I said around her.

Before Lilo started talking she didn't ask much and when she did, it was signed. But now hearing her physically say it was another thing.

And like most kids her age, she found something she fixated on and it became her new thing for a month or so. Like when she was 2 she refused to go anywhere without her plushie mermaid toy that I got her for Christmas.

Now her new thing was "mommy." Ever since I started her in daycare she's noticed that most of the other kids have two parents and that she didn't have a mom.

I tried not to put too much weight on it and told her that some kids don't have two parents or a mom and that it doesn't mean that she wasn't loved.

That was the last thing I wanted her to feel. I'd try to make up in whatever ways that I could. But there was always some stuff that I couldn't do.

"Well, you don't need a mommy to do your hair all nice ipo," I reminded her, placing the cut-up bananas on her plate. She was sitting in her chair near the island counter. For breakfast, Lilo wanted the same thing almost every day. A cut-up banana and a bowl of dry cheerios.

She pushed her hair out of her eyes and put a piece of banana in her mouth. I watched her, taking a sip of my coffee.

Another thing she was doing at her age was waking up really early. I've always been an early riser because of my rigorous training schedule. Even though I wasn't training, my body still woke me up at 7. But Lilo was always up at 6 and waking me up to go pee. We were still potty training so she wore a diaper all day just in case.

I blinked my tired eyes and took a spoonful of my oatmeal, enjoying the warmth in my mouth.

"Where mommy go?"

I ran a rough hand through my hair, gripping at my scalp. My mouth felt dry and my fingers tapped at the bowl of oatmeal.

"She's not with us anymore."

"Why?" Lilo looked at me while putting a cheerio in her mouth and chewed loudly, waiting for me to continue.

"She left to travel and g-go far around the w-world." I stumbled through the truth.

"Da world?" She put her hands out and made a big globe shape.

I smiled lightly, feeling my resolve cracking. I didn't know how much explaining I could do. There was so much understanding that she didn't have yet and I didn't want to lie to her. Truth be told I didn't know where her mother was and I liked it better that way. The less Lilo knew about her mother the better.

"Why?"

That question again.

"Because she loved to go far," I said simply. I rubbed my forehead, leaning my elbow on the counter beside her.

"I wish she c-could do my haiw," Lilo said softly looking down at the cheerios in front of her.

It was simple stuff like that, that made my heart heavy and my body feel numb. "Me too," I whispered too low for her to hear.