I clicked my feet on my board and stood tall, hands on my hips looking up at him.
He was staring at me. Blinking and taking a step closer, he placed a hand on my waist, shocking me. Even through the thickness of my jacket, I felt the pressure of his...
But even though I repeated that thought to myself over and over again, I still didn't truly believe it myself.
At the first sight of the mistletoe, I practically grabbed Nathan's face for a kiss. And when I thought it would be short and sweet, he grabbed onto my whole body, crushing me against him and kissing me right back. It was just like the broom closet all over again. I was losing my ever-loving shit right now.
I couldn't look him in the eye again due to sheer embarrassment. And I hated this weird thing between us more than I liked it.
When we were just platonic and straightforward, I never had to second guess where I stood and if some moment meant something. Now I was holding onto every moment and trying to go over the last month in my mind, replaying anything of slight significance.
It reminded me so much of my situation with Jonah that it actually hurt. Now, of course, Nathan was never flirting with me out of pure fun, but I still didn't know what he wanted. Though he was honest and sincere, he wasn't completely transparent about how he felt about things unless you asked him. And I'd rather die than do that. Dramatic, I know.
I deluded myself into believing Jonah had feelings for me so I knew my mind was both powerful and stupid. And I chased after him like a loyal puppy for years on end. Even when I was in relationships with other guys in college, in the back of my mind I had always secretly told myself I'd be with him at some point years in the future.
I was completely over him now. It was surprisingly fast, to be honest.
And now that things with Nathan and I were in the weird limbo phase I was scared that I'd do the same shit. Habits always seemed to rear their ugly heads when you weren't paying attention. And now I realized how much more was at stake so I couldn't just act how I wanted. I needed to tread carefully. I needed to pull back a mile.
My feet were crossed as I looked up at the white-painted wood of the roof on the outside deck. I was moving back and forth, very slowly I might add, on the blue hammock that surround both of me and Lilo. If I moved any faster, this thing would flip both of us over and out.
Lilo rested her head on my chest, her little fingers holding onto my shoulders as we both rocked back and forth. My hands held onto her back as I listened to the sounds of the lapping waves and birds in the palm trees. We were both quiet, relaxing with each other. I brushed a hair behind her ear and kissed her temple, humming softly into her ear.
She had just been crying an hour ago, watching The Lion King for the first time. It was so cute and sad at the same time.
I could hear Whitney and Scarlet on the beach, screaming and laughing as they ran along the beach and into the water. Stevie was laying on a beach towel with headphones in her ears, speaking to someone on the phone and smiling.
I turned my head to the left and I found Poppy sitting on one of the outside couches with Stitch in her arms and a book in her hands.
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