Fair Conversation ~ The Voices In My Head's GC

the words unsaid

We sit silently side by side on the bench, watching the clouds move ever so slowly, revealing the stars. Our breaths are slow and calm. I've always felt comfortable around him, never pressured to start a conversation. This was something I found strange, the way we bonded without ever saying too much, and yet, we know so much about each other.

"I have a question," he started. "When was the last time you fell in love?" He asks me. I think for a second, hesitant to answer the question truthfully. I know I can tell him anything without judgment, it's just I don't know how this would come across unless I say it.

I shake my head, bracing myself for the next few minutes to come. "I wouldn't call this falling in love, and I don't love him as a girl would love her boyfriend, or how a wife loves her husband," I say, pausing. Unsure of how to continue.

He hums under his breath. "So the way a sister loves her brother?" He looks at me curiously. To which I shake my head vigorously.

"Absolutely not. More like how a friend loves another. I harbor no romantic feelings for him, but I love him. It's one of those feelings where it's so complicated and not as simple as black and white. There are so many shades of gray before it finally hits black; my love for him." I breathe shakily. Sharing these kinds of things, even with him, is still hard for me. I haven't exactly had someone listen to me so silently and unjudging.

He sits up, suddenly alert and curious. "Love? As in presently loving?" He asks me.

I had hoped he wouldn't notice I was talking in the present tense. Dropping my head in defeat, I nod. Confirming his question.

I open my mouth to continue. "I don't love him like that, I don't want to kiss him, though I could. I don't want to hold hands, or do any of those romantic things." I look at my hands, ashamed of what I'm about to say. "But I want to spend the rest of my life with him." I laugh awkwardly, trying to remove the blush from my face.

I don't want him to notice I'm talking about him, the friend I love so much. The friend I have unexplainable feelings for. The friend I want to be with all the time, the friend whose ears are always open, and heart always welcoming. The friend who showed me how much I really am worth. The first who treated me like I was valuable, who dealt with me and talked to me as if I was a precious jewel. Like I was something to be treasured and cared for. The only one I treasure this way.