Fair Conversation ~ The Voices In My Head's GC

Cycle.

I don't think I'm alright. It's been this rough cycle for months now. My only enemy is my own mind, and obviously the enemy is influencing it. My old coping mechanisms don't work, I've lost all interest in my hobbies, and I can't seem to get any work done.

It's hot, and I sweat. I get tired easily and all I seem to want to do is watch TikTok, sleep, and talk to my friends online.

But what happens when my bed gets too uncomfortable at night? TikTok becomes this boring loop of the same type of content, and my friends stop replying? Work is all I have left but what happens when that's done?

I try to go outside with my family to distract myself, but they end up staying on their phones whilst we sit around a table.

So I try eat, but there is no food to eat.

So I go back to my computer, stare at my empty inbox ,watch the same show for the 7th time and listen to music while I cry myself to sleep.

I'm trying to not tell anyone about this, going back to my old ways because I was so much better and put together then.

When all goes wrong, I cry. But I haven't had a proper cry in months, everything is piled up inside with no way to get out.

If crying didn't fix it, I would force myself to forget. How am I supposed to forget when it's staring at me right in the face?

When that wouldn't work, I would pretend. My real feelings would always follow soon after. But it's been months, heck nearly a year and I'm still stuck here.

I miss everyone, I miss old times, I miss when things weren't awkward. I miss those times when I could fit in comfortably in my own skin, not feeling foreign even there.

Nothing seems to matter, I care too much. I'm bored, I've got too much to do. These problems are insignificant, though I can't seem to get myself out of bed in the morning.

I'm not okay, not at all. I want someone to know, I need someone to help. I need a hug, and need warmth. Not burning heat the sun always gives, making my home a microwave—hot on the outside, but ice cold in the heart.

Find out, someone please find out. I need help. Help me, because I don't think I can help myself anymore. Please, I'm begging.