Fair Conversation ~ The Voices In My Head's GC

Feb 24, 2023

If you knew how much it hurt.

Do you remember that night? The night I gave up, the night I gave in.

The night was cold, air from my fan blowing directly on me. I was curled up in the star blanket my mother bought me, comfy and ready to talk to you.

The day was long and honestly? I was tired and mentally exhausted. I pulled out my phone and opened discord. I was going to talk to Chris, my best friend and crush. He's a good person, and talking to him is really fun at times. There's this thing he's been wanting to tell me but we haven't gotten to talk about it much. Ever since I confessed to him, there was this weird atmosphere between the both of us.

I ended up saying that I would retract my statement of liking him and just staying friends. He opened up to me about the tea he'd been keeping in, and I realized that the reason why he didn't tell me was because he confessed to another girl in the process of saving his friend group from some drama that was happening.

That night, he told me every detail of how it happened, though I don't know how much he omitted, I had a pretty good idea of what happened.

~ I wished you knew the tears going down my face that night. I had to pretend to be eager to hear, eager to know. I was happy in blissful ignorance. Not knowing any of that.

That night was the first time I've been able to cry in weeks. I didn't even cry at the concert.

I cried real tears, the ones you can't control. The tears that felt warm to touch, the painful knot one would feel in their chest as one tried to choke back the tears so as to not make any sound.

The tears that I've never spilled for anyone.

You made me cry, and you didn't know.

~

Now I'm trying to tell you, but I don't know how to tell you without it making me look stupid for even crying about it. You like another girl who isn't me.

She's your childhood friend, a cute and short, quiet girl. Obviously, you'd like her.

Guys never look at me, they always look at girls like her. And frankly, I'm sick and motherfucking tired of being the second choice, the disregarded, the unwanted.