The Line Between Love And Hate

Chapter 23: The Grave

~Present~
As soon as I step out of the cab, a wave of sadness washes over me. I try to avoid visiting her grave as much as I can. It hurts being here. I come every now and then to pay my respects, but it's just a reminder that she's really gone and that I'm part of the reason to blame.

I find Adrien sitting in front of her grave sobbing. My heart breaks at the sight. I feel 18 all over again. The pain we both felt when she went missing crushed both of us.

I guess he heard me coming up because Adrien wipes his eyes and says, "What are you doing here Mari?" I kneel down beside him. "How'd you know it was me?" "Alya and Nino don't come here with me. It freaks them out."

There's a silence over us. He's the one to break it. "How'd you find me?" "Where else would you be today?" He wipes his eyes as more tears escape. His voice breaks when he says, "I'm sorry Mari. I shouldn't have treated you like that. Y- you didn't deserve that."

I hesitate to place my hand on his back. It's been so long since I've comforted him, but eventually I build up enough courage to do it. At first he flinched beneath my touch, but then he accepts it. "Todays a hard day for you. I understand."

"You went through it just as much as me. My mom was important to you too." "But she wasn't my mom. I didn't nearly go through what you did. It's okay for you to lash out every now and then." He shakes his head. "She wouldn't have wanted that."

"I think she would've wanted you to do whatever was necessary to heal. Even if it meant yelling at people to get out of your car." He laughs and so do I.

"She loved you, you know? She considered you the daughter she never had." He finally looks at me. His eyes and nose are red from all the crying he's been doing. My heart grows heavy for him. "I loved her too." He gives me a painful smile and I return it.

"Look I appreciate it, but you don't have to be here Mari. I'm fine on my own." "I want to be here. I owed your mom a visit anyways." "Do you visit her often?" I shake my head. "Not as often as I should. Being here just brings back so much."

He studies my face. I'm hoping he's not able to read me anymore. But that's a silly wish. We'll always be able to read each other. That's not just something that will go away.

"You know it wasn't your fault right?" Tears roll down my cheek. "I know, but a part of me will always feel like I'm the one to blame." "Mari don't say that."

"It's true though. If she wasn't so set on being with me that night- I- I don't know. I just think she could've still been here if I didn't agree to spend time with her."

"She would've found a way to be with you. She would've went to the bakery if she had to. This was inevitable for her. You can't blame yourself. She wouldn't have wanted you to blame yourself." He wipes one of my tears. "I know. It's just-" I struggle to find the next words but Adrien just nods. "I get it Mari."

"I miss her." "Me too."

He breaks into tears again. This time I don't hesitate to rub his back. "This feels so weird." He says letting out a little laugh. "Me being here?" "Yeah. Not that it's a bad thing- It's just-" "It's been so long." He nods.

"Sometimes I feel like she left you for me. Like you were her gift to me." I blush and I play with the fabric of my dress. I forgot I still haven't changed.

"I don't know about that." He chuckles. "I do. Did you know she was the one who pressured me into asking you to go with me that day?" "She was?" He nods his head.

"Once I found out Alya and Nino were gonna be busy, I settled on going alone. But my mom wanted to see you again, so I asked." I bring my eyes to meet his just as he turns away. "A part of me feels like she knew something was going to happen to her that day and that was another one of her ways of pushing us together."

"I remember her telling me that she would make sure that you and I became inseparable." Adrien laughs. "She did always love the idea of that for us." He brings his eyes to mine and for a split second, I feel the way I did back then.

Like that hopeful teenager in love with her best friend. Hoping that he'll see me the same way I see him. That he'd feel even an ounce of what I felt for him. But only for a second.

"What made you come looking for me?" I let out a breathful laugh. "You want a lie or the truth?" "Is that even a question?" "Alya called me." "She was actually able to convince you to come?" I laugh. "I know. I'm just as surprised as you are."

"Well for what it's worth... I'm glad you came." He places his hand on my knee and on impulse my hand lands over his. "I am too."

He looks down at our hands and back up to me. "What happened to us?" That question makes my heart sink. I open my mouth to answer and then immediately shut it. But Adrien just shakes his head. "You don't have to. I'm not even sure I'm ready to know."

He's looking at me so intently and it makes me wonder if my old feelings ever really went away. Did they really fade like I thought they did or did I just trick myself? Because being here, in this moment, with him looking at me the way he is, I can say that it's confusing me. I don't know if it's the 18 year old girl inside of me still yearning for him, or if it's the 28 year old me thats feeling this.

"Sometimes I wonder what she would think if she saw us now." My heart sinks all over again. "I know she would've been happy to see how close we had gotten, but then my heart breaks to think of how devastated she would be if she saw us now. If she knew that this year was the first time we've talked in 3 years."

For the first time I hope Emile can't see us from up there. She would be devastated. She would've hated the idea of us not talking. She would've hated me for knowing that it was my fault. My choice. I wouldn't be able to bare Emilie hating me. I don't only owe this to her, but I owe it to Adrien and the 18 year old girl who misses her best friend.

"I know what I want now Adrien." He brings his wondering eyes back to me. He furrows his eyebrows. "About what?" "I do want you to be a part of my life again. I want us to be friends." I see a sense of relief was over his face.

"Are you serious?" "It's gonna be hard to move past everything, but I'll try. For you and for her. I'll try." He stares at me for a moment. "I mean if you want me to take it back I can."

He smiles and shakes his head. "No. No no. Don't take it back." He pulls me into a hug. "God I've missed you Mari." Tears fill my eyes. "I've missed you too." I whisper.

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A/N: NOW LET THE STORY BEGIN😈