Sarah Paulson's Characters - Oneshots

⚠️ To Know What I Think

Cordelia x Reader

⚠️ Mental Illness (Depression, Anxiety, Imposter Syndrome), Eating Disorder (Anorexia Nervosa), Self Harm

If you cannot handle any of these subjects, please do not read this chapter

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You stared at yourself in the mirror, healed cuts scattered across your form. Your ribs were beginning to poke out, it had been a whole month since you've eaten. A whole month since you've seen Cordelia. She had went out on a tour to recruit witches finding their magic. She offered you to go, but you declined. You did nothing but lay in bed unless you had to use the restroom. It wasn't that you didn't want to do anything, you just couldn't do anything. No amount of trying could get you up until now. You look like a mess, Delia shouldn't even concern her time a screw up like yourself. You grimaced at the voice, sighing softly in acknowledgement.

The chorus to "Dreams" by Fleetwood Mac started to play, making you glance over. You answered the phone, bringing it up to your ear. "Hey sweetheart! How are you?" She greeted. "I'm good. Just having a snack." You made a rummaging noise with a bag, hearing her hum in approval. "What snack?" She asked, already onto you. "Doritos. Cool ranch." You described. "Can you eat one?" You didn't respond, the silence long. "(Y/N), I'll be home in an hour. I'll make you something. It'll be light." She spoke so softly, but something in you told you she was upset. "See you tonight." You shakily spoke, hearing her hang up.

She's going to dump you. She's gonna dump you because you couldn't even just fucking feed yourself at least once a fuckin day... No, you had to be thinner, you had to be more beautiful for Cordelia. This'll all be a delightful surprise! You sat in the bathroom, your body tingling with fear. You fucked up. You fucked up! You fucked up!! The voice boomed, making you start smacking your head. Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! You reached towards the razors, slicing against your skin repeatedly. The fearful tingling slowly dispelled, that was until you felt hands lift you from the tile.

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Cordelia had seen you cutting yourself, swiftly pulling you into her arms. She lifted you up, putting you on the counter. Your legs were shredded, tears pooling in her eyes. "Why?" She whimpered, shaking her head. Her voice was but a mere squeak, meeting your gaze. You stared at her, eyes wide. "I-I... I had to." You shuddered, tears falling from your eyes. "I-I had to! I couldn't eat, I was so mad at myself for lying to you. I'm not even that great! I'm not even good enough for you." Your words poured as you sobbed, Cordelia gently wiping away your tears. She began to patch up your cuts, stopping the bleeding and bringing you to your shared room. "What are you going to do?" You whimpered, terrified. "Stay right here." She spoke so gently, heading to the kitchen.

You stayed in the bed, shaking in absolute fear. Your heart was racing, the sound of cutting terrified you even further. It wasn't until she came up that you realized what she had. Rice paper that had been dipped in water and rolled into little logs. "It's low calorie. Since you've been starving yourself, I have to begin small." She explained, gently stroking your cheek. "I don't want you to die from Refeeding Syndrome." She explained softly. She picked up a piece and coaxed you to eat. You gently took it into your mouth, finding the action revolting. You were not hungry, though that's what your body became used to. The lack of consumption. You swallowed, Cordelia checking your mouth to ensure you ate it. "That's a good girl. You'll get another tomorrow and we'll slowly go to more and more." You shook your head, eyes wide. "I'll be fat again!" You whimpered, Cordelia shaking her head. "You'll be healthy. You'll be my wife, you'll be my sweet honey-cake, my-" "your wife?" You were taken aback. I don't deserve this love. "My wife. My sole spouse." She reassured.

"But I don't deserve to be my wife..."

"To know what I think, dear... You deserve only good, (Y/N). And I want to be a part of that good to remind you how amazing you are."

...

"I love you, (Y/N)."