Oblivion

Oblivion - Part 12

I was busy with my motorcycle, a bit of care on the engine, a bit of tinkering, cleaning, that sort of things, that's why I didn't hear her message comming in. Only after more than fifteen minutes did I see that she had sent me something. I quickly answered her when I saw it, only I didn't get any response back. I waited and waited, but after an hour of waiting I started to get a little worried. It wasn't like her to not respond back quickly. Especially now that she has her old phone back, she may have had a hard time with the memories that came back.

There are a lot of moments that I find it so tough, I want to hold her in my arms so desperately. I waited so long to have her back with me. And now that she's so close again, she seems even further away from me than ever. The distance I feel from her to me is even more crushing than when we only had contact through a screen. I get it, it's not her fault. She did not choose this. I only wish she could look at me and see me. See who I am, what I meant to her, what she means to me. That she feels the same nervousness in her stomach as I do when I look at her. That she would have the same desire as I have, to feel my lips on hers.

I don't want to make her feel uncomfortable. And no matter how hard I try to pretend that I don't know her and play along in getting to know each other, I don't always succeed. If it shines through too much I do know her, she gets irritated. And I get it, I get it all. It's just so unfair, for me but especially for her. Despite wanting more, much more, I will never ask her for it. If all that lies ahead of us is friendship, I'll take it with both hands. When I said I was at her mercy, I meant it with all I have. I'm hers, even if she doesn't see it.

When it came to almost an hour and a half, I started to get really worried. So I decided to go to her house to check if everything was going well. Maybe I should have just called, because the one time I do something impulsively, I'm standing at her door like a stupid idiot in love. The way she opened the door surprised me, it was quite unexpected. But on the inside it made me laugh, I saw the Layana as I know her from our conversations. Confident, ready to take the fight. One of those things I admire her for.

----

I could kick myself, he hadn't heard from me for two hours, normally I respond within a few minutes. Of course he was worried, especially knowing that I had been busy with my old messages and photos. I quickly invited him in and made my apology. Offered him a drink and we sat together on the couch and chatted. Casualy for a change, without difficult questions, without tension. It felt nice, however it also gave me the chance to watch him. The dimples in his cheeks when he smiles are cute. The twinkle in his bright blue eyes when he's excited about something, is adorable. When he runs his hand through his hair to keep the hair out of his eyes, evokes a feeling in me that not very moral. Because then I see a small piece of a tattoo appear under his short sleeve, and is tense muscular arm then stands out. "Goddamn this man is so attractive" I think to myself. I try to hide it as best I can, but startle at my own thought. Somehow I am completely convinced to ask him to go with me, to Duskwood. I don't understand myself, I'm scared that I find him attractive and then I'm convinced that I want to be with him more.

"Jake?" I interrupt him, without having the faintest idea what he was talking about. He looks at me with narrowed eyes and a grin "You have no idea what I just said huh". "I'm not going to admit or deny that" I say with a playful laugh. "Mhm, sure, sure. Where were your thoughts then?" he raises an eyebrow teasingly. I pretend to be shocked by his ambiguous remark "It's none of your business yet," I say with a wink. Inside, I'm yelling at myself what are you doing!! stop flirting so openly!! but my mouth happily continues. "Yet?" he looks at me with toying eyes. "Yes, yet. You never know what could happen in now and say and a while?" I keep looking at him with a seductive smirk. Layana stop this! Oh god what am I doing. Don't panic, don't panic. "We will see." he says most assured of himself, which makes him damn sexy, and I don't want that image in my head too, which is actually too late already. "But you wanted to ask something?" he continues in a most casual way. Bewildered by my own inner conflict, I stare at him. "Yes... there was indeed something I wanted to ask." I put my finger to my mouth to think, but my brain is blank. Now he laughs out loud and wide "Am I such a big distraction to you? Shall I go then?". "No! You stay, I need you." I look at him, and then I realize what I just admitted. My face couldn't get any redder and hide it behind my hands. Still hiding in my hands, I mumble "I can't ask that now, that's even more embarrassing.". "What can be so embarrassing that you cannot ask me?" I hear he's trying to hide his laugh. I sigh deeply, and don't look up from my hands as I quickly throw out the question "Will you come with me to Duskwood?".