Until The Last Wave

10

"What are your plans?"

Naramdaman ko ang titig sa 'kin ni Miko pero 'di ko siya nilingon. I remained looking at the rubik's cube I'm holding while I'm lying on my bed. 'Di nagtagal ay tiningnan ko rin si Miko.

"What can you suggest?" tanong ko.

Natawa siya. "Why are you asking me that? I'm not in charge of your life."

"Ngayon in charge ka na."

"Fuck off, Liege," agad na sabi niya. "I have a lot of things to do. Hindi na nga dapat ako dadaan dito, eh. I need to study. I have an exam tomorrow."

I sarcastically laughed. "Aba! Ba't parang kasalanan ko pang pinuntahan mo 'ko? I didn't invite you, Miko. Ikaw 'yung nagkusa."

"Exactly. Now, don't waste my effort and tell me that you at least have a single plan in your mind," sabi niya. "Ano na, Liege? It has been almost a year pero nakatunganga ka pa rin. Wala ka bang balak na gumraduate?"

Napatitig ako sa kisame. Damn. It has been almost a year? Gano'n na pala ako katagal na nakatunganga lang at walang ginagawa sa buhay? Ang bilis ng panahon.

"I don't know," tanging sabi ko.

"Didn't you say that you'd enroll next school year?"

"I'm not sure."

"Suit yourself," bumuntong-hininga si Miko. "Remember that I'm not like your best friend. If that dumbass tolerates you for not having plans in life, I don't. We're different. I'm not dumb like both of you."

"Are you calling me 'dumb'?"

"Yes," matapang na sabi niya, "especially if you have plans to stay just the way you are. You're really fucking dumb, Liege. I hate people with no plans in life."

I sighed. Miko and his filthy mouth. He never changed. He's still brutally honest and I sometimes don't know what to do with him. Isako ko na lang ba siya?

"I'm not enjoying your mouth anymore," sabi ko.

"I never said that you should," aniya. "I don't open my mouth for people to enjoy. I open it for people to know what and what not to do. I hate weak people, Liege, and I hate seeing that you're one of them. Get your shit together."

I stared at Miko. God, I hate that he's got a point. Bumuntong-hininga ulit ako at umupo sa kama. Miko did a staring contest with me again. It's like he's really letting me know that he hates this version of me.

I honestly hate myself, too.

I was already doing well and I didn't know that I'd end up being like this again. I hate myself more than the one who betrayed me and did me dirty. And I hate to admit that no matter how bitter Miko's words are, he's right. Mahina ako at walang plano sa buhay.